Attempt #2

i had ended my blog post last night abruptly by establishing a recurring problem with my life, and a faint need to make things better - however i didn't consider how i would resolve my issues! this is a major factor that needs to be looked at very closely if i am going to improve. i've decided that the best way to tackle this is by expanding about each problem in detail, handling the most urgent matters first.


today i'll blog about deadlines. this issue goes back waaay before university time. when i did art a levels, i was so immensely amazing at it, however unlike others i produced quality work, but was always slower than others. this had made me constantly fall behind, and worry my parents, and my teachers to the point where one time my teacher called me a bitch behind my back. after that i skipped her sessions, and simply did not speak to her for the entire year. she demanded so much from me, and i simply couldn't keep up! my other a levels were biology, chemistry, english language and psychology - i was working so hard to juggle my a levels, work and maintaining sanity that i simply turned off the light for my a level art. by the time i decided to go for biochemistry i stopped caring about the subject, and simply concentrated on my sciences. i know i'm good at art and i could learn more about web design or photoshop from books, the internet and so on. i didn't need a qualification to tell me yes i'm good. if i was going to take art further, it would have been a nightmare in my eyes! furthermore, anyone with a will, could do art - its so easy there is no challenge there!
the thing i don't understand.. is why i have picked up the same habit at university - why am i slacking? i enjoy the lecture material and especially the practicals. the one thing i detest is writing about them! referencing published work is chaos. i work better by handwriting things then typing them blindly on the computer - but then again this is a time consumed method of tackling my work as most research papers are available electronically. the amount of reading i need to do consists of reading at least 10 papers to generate a quality piece of work. the word counts this year had doubled as more effort is expected from the student. this adds to more pressure, so in a sense, 10 references wouldn't get me a slice of the cake, i would need to double the numbers.
my concentration is very limited when reading boring and long dry text. this is probably one of the reasons why i'm finding it difficult to read up and pick up the relevant points to add to my reports.
you know what i've realised, academia is boring. research is fun, but those two usually associate when working. from working at sainsburys i've realised that i like helping people - and this is so different to what i'm studying.. i need to find ways of using my qualification to help others, not passively, but actively. and no - i don't want to teach!