Silence before the storm

I really miss playing final fantasy x! dunno about you guys but it seems like the more that i try to force myself to read/do my dissertation the harder it gets to concentrate and actually do my work :/ how do you do it? how do others do it? i really need to switch on my robot mode and do the work aghh its driving me crazy!! i'm 22 years old, i should know how to force myself to finish my work and do this properly by now >.< why am i always putting things off!?


this year has been so crap i really really really want to turn things around but theres simply no time.. i'll just have to do with what i've got.. (emo alert - read further at your own risk, i'm just frustrated and need to put thoughts to paper... or blog or whatever..)
next year i just want to chill, do photography, fix up the house that dad has been 'fixing' for the past 5 years and just not getting it done, write my blog, lose weight and travel. i don't want any sainsburys... i don't want anything annoying i just want one year where i can just reflect on things, learn more about web design, and try to figure out what to do next. i don't want any deadlines, any assignments, and certainly no more exams :( though.. at the same time i want my own place... i want to believe in myself again, i want to become more religious.. aghh maybe its the people i hang around with, maybe its the attachments i've formed, they are all full of disappointments, regret and just envy. gosh i hate even saying that word! i want to get an xbox, i want to catch up on all the games i've missed, i want to be independent. i cant do that until i get a proper research job and that needs more studying aghh i hate how everything comes at a price the tuition fees are rising in cost, working while studying has just made things worse i'm so depressed. i just want this phase of my life to be over its just a big strangle right now and i need my life to shape up - i need to know where i'm heading and everything i've done has all been full of regrets and despise for myself for not fulfilling my targets and actually improving. sucks to be me :(

wait... what? wake up dindin!

don't ya just hate it when you wake up and you're still in your dream? its like when i was in jordan i dreamt...
that mum told me to hand her the comb while i was in bed, so i stretch over to grab my bag and pull out the comb, open my eyes, and its literally pitch black night time! everyone was snoring in the rooms next door and theres me thinking wtf?
well i had one of those moments this morning, i woke up and before i opened my eyes i was calculating how many days i have left to hand in my dissertation, and there i was in the future thinking that today is the 2nd of may, and i only had 3 days left. i got up this morning like a crazy person as if i just got zapped out of my bed. its only when i saw my sister that sanity returned. T__T
i think my brain is secretly freaking out at the amount of time left i have before handing in my dissertation... i mean i'm getting really worried about the shortness of it! and the opinions my dissertation tutor might conjure up and mark me down ~ DAMMIT i need to do my dissertation. ok. bye. x.x

sainsburys chat up lines

sooooo i've been thinking about making this for a while now, though for the sake of staying employed i will tread carefully. heres a little insight into where my brain drifts off while working at sainsburys - before i begin, i'd like to sincerely apologise to sainsburys for this but the long hours do drive us crazy, please forgive us for being human x.xok so now the ass kissing is out of the way, lets get down to business - get it? did you see what i did there? never mind.

so lets assume you're a girl working at the checkouts. you've got a few things to ask the customer before they can run away with the shopping. you scan items to and fro till you're done and hit enter to get the total cost. theres a little gap i like to call, checking out the customers...

what customers don't know, is that there is a hidden meaning behind the type of questions we ask - assuming the customer in question has an attractive trait of course! here are a few examples:

"do you have a nectar card?"

do you have any STIs? this makes me chuckle every time. i'm twisted sorry xD

"are you collecting active kids vouchers?"

are you single?

"would you like any cash back?"

you doing anything tonight?

"would you like any help with the packing?"

its a test of agility: customers packing vs. your awesome speedy scannings of itenz. guys who could keep up quite possibly have skillz... elsewhere (insert inappropriate quote here) >.>

thats it for sainsburys chat up lines ~ i'd love to get some insights into what the customers think of the things cashiers ask you every time you're on the spot at the check outs.

thanks for reading, and as always - have a lovely day

university or not to university?

as the end of this year is approaching i can feel the pressure get stronger, should i carry on and take on masters or just take a gap year away from studying then make up my mind?
the thing is, i've already took a gap year during a levels to do an extra a level in art - which i totally hated! i'm amazing at art, but the teachers were terrible! my inspiration was beyond their grasp, and i think they didnt know how to teach me properly as i had all this creativity but during stressful times such as exams, it went poof. from then on i decided that art should be a hobby instead, and i still think thats the best way to approach art.

after doing 4 years of university studying biochemistry/biotechnology i kinda feel like this is where i belong, i love science and the things i've learned, experienced and the abilities i've developed have all been so amazing. i love every lecture and i guess all i could say is 'alhamdu allah' because all this would not have happened if it wasn't for my parents who were behind me all the way.

however this year i got so fed up with deadlines! its been one deadline after another and the feeling reminded me of what happened in art a levels where i lost interest after a while. i guess i'm afraid that this would also happen with biotechnology :/ i need to stay motivated!

nostalgic for gaming..

is it just me or does that game look really really worth downloading? also, i love this song - its been playing in my head non stop all day today (though shame about the lyrics...) i've got to resist playing anything till exams are all done - aghh and the dissertation... .__.

this, among portal 2 and black ops are on my list of things i have to play when exams finish. when i do come back home, hopefully i'll also be able to properly play crysis 2 and assassins creed brotherhood.. its so annoying that the university network at nottingham blocks all ports, which sadly includes multiplayer gaming. i'll post up the dumb reply i got from their student services sometime in the future... along with the random warning i received at the start of the year hehehe makes me sound like a badass rebelling and all xD

enough of facebook!

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yesterday i did the unspeakable. 4 years of facebook friends, all removed in about.. 5 minutes? yes. i removed every single one of my friends on there. why would i do this, you may be wondering - well heres the simple truth:

Facebook is evil!

ok perhaps that statement is over the top but over the years i've noticed friendships weaken when facebook is involved. when you add someone on facebook you ultimately let them browse your life, what you do, what you like, what you watch, who do you talk to, where do you go, who your family are, what your religious beliefs are, if you're single or if you're gay or if you're a hannibal etc etc etc....

sensitive information you would not normally reveal to friends are all there - assuming you've filled in your profile! that information could potentially be accessed by anyone, regardless of the privacy settings offered by facebook.

another thing i've noticed is that potential friends, or really good friends which you've met in real life or even over the internet - once you add them onto your friends list over at facebook, the chemistry dies!

it feels like you're wasting so much of your 'free time' browsing pages and pages worth of profiles, chat histories, connections between people, sweeping pictures of someone else's holiday snaps, and peering into things posted on people's profiles like songs, tags, notes, polls and so on. the obsession with knowing everything consumes the user to the point where communication is no longer required with friends. this detrimental habit that i must admit, i have also developed over the years has to stop!

this is why i did what i did. to make myself better, to free up my 'free time' to do more meaningful things which i truly enjoy - would make me happier as a person. facebook has taken a chunk out of my life and i would like compensation (if that's even possible!)

i really hope that more people would realise the horrors of facebook and break the addictive power facebook has and concentrate on what really matters.

thanks for reading :3