medicine has always been an interest of mine for many of years. its reflected in the tv that i watch, the subjects that i studied, the work type i pursued for part time and even the things i talk about. it took me a while to realise that this was truly what i really wanted to do and i guess it was kind of like a wakeup call, or a call for the endless longing to fulfil this simple yet complicated wish: i want to study medicine and thus become a doctor.
at school i loved science and sure enough my teachers really were supportive of my decisions to study science further. at a levels however i was informed that my grades were no match for applying to medicine. it was a mistake not taking tuition during gcse and a levels. i realised that the people who did actually got really good grades and therefore really good offers for subjects i cannot even dream of applying for. every year when the a level results come out and my work colleagues who acheived triple a grades in a levels just tore me to pieces. i never ever experienced ann joy in my studies all my life. it kills me to think i could ever apply to anything with triple a conditional offers, its simply unimaginable.
so for uni i settled for seconds, i applied for biochemistry. the first year went great but as i progressed on with second year, i slowly became unattached, uninterested and simply undriven. this wasn't because my passion for biology faded, i guess it was more of the fact that i had crap friends, and overall i felt like i didn't know where all this knowledge, practicals and coursework was taking me. i went into depression, and simply withdrawled from the subject i was studying and i began to give my graphics and gaming more and more attention. this was a stupid move. i should have taken a deep breath and tried to tie the knots back together. i should have fixed this burst in my bubble and maintained my interest for biochemistry. in the end i ended up with crap grades. and at the end of the year i had to make a choice. it was either carrying on with biochemistry as just an ordinary degree, or choose a different course and maintain the honours degree title. i did my best to try to avoid the first option, and tried to save my degree. i did summer retakes for biochemistry. however these proved to be useless and so i was left with no other option but to switch to a different course. so when the year began, with all my strength i researched, sent out emails across the university to try to get a place on any similar course to biochemistry and there was only one reply, biotechnology.
don't get me wrong biotechnology as i know now is far more significant that biochemistry alone. its a mix of animal, plant and human science with a common goal: improving current medical knowledge and technology. its pure research at its best. the practicals were far more interesting and definatelly more appealling to my taste. i liked the heavily focused physiology modules, and the overlap of developmental biochemistry with current research methodologies. neuroscience really was interesting, complicated, but so so interesting. to this day i can recall things about chronic and acute pain, and the amazing long term potentiation OuO
yeah but being interested is one thing, and getting the grades is another. if you know me, you'd know that i am multi-talented. i like to keep myself busy and so i have different interests which i also passionately love doing. nothing though is as great as my interest for studing the human body. for figuring out what each cell does, how each protein interacts with other proteins, how a hormone could cause a magnitude of cascades and shape the aftermath effects of its presence. its exhilirating and everytime i read about it all, i whisper: subhan allah, masha'allah, wow, omg, etc. i get motivated to read more, find out more. but all that is really worthless if you can't reproduce this passion in exams when you're tested for what you know.
its great reading, finding out about things, but if only 5% of what you read sticks with you, then all is lost. its more likely that you'd make mistakes, group knowledge and have overlapping information confusing your arguments. i ended up with a lower second. insufficient and heavily affecting the selection of university choices offering medicine. no one is going to really take you if someone else is better than you. i was rejected last year from all 4 university choices offering medicine, and so i was left aimless yet again.. affecting my overall university performance and having a detrimental effect on my self confidence. i gained weight, began to miss deadlines, slept abnormally - i was a living example of depression. i tried my best, and i fought, i really really fought to maintain myself, regain my confidence - but with deadlines every week and my constant hard effort to try to get those deadlines managed, i was really over-run. i wasn't coping well. i really really really did my best, but with penalties, and overwhelming amount of work, it was impossible to complete things on time. one thing about me is that i don't like being helped. i don't like the pitty looks and i definately don't like to be undermined and being treated differently. i don't like this unnecessary attention. it weighs me down and thats one thing i really cannot tolerate.
