the past month has been really hard. going out anywhere reminds me of what i lost.. my purpose in life, my goals.. well i can't really go that route anymore.. so, what do?
one day i went out with my parents, my mum wants to get a new car. throughout the whole car ride i was fighting tears, leaving myself to think about everything just places me in a huge emotional bubble that i try to fight back and avoid. looking back is hurtful, and i think i really need some redemption.. though, i'm stuck. i don't know how to find my redemption.
i don't want to return to study, and i don't want any normal boring job. for goodness sake i was working in the hospital, every single day was different and i learned so much on the job. it's what inspired me to pursue medicine, my goal was to become a doctor.
everywhere i go now reminds me of what i lost. it's funny because before travelling i would go on this shopping spree and buy my whole closet for the season. i would look forward to learning new things everyday, see my friends, walk around the city, and i felt so free and alive. i felt like i was in the right place, i was studying something that inspired me to become a better person.
when all that was taken from me, now i feel like i have nothing but old memories, emotions i refuse to address and a horrible twisted feeling in my stomach that i cannot endure.
in clinical terms, i feel depressed. how do i get past this?
