lack of care

i was working with these healthcare assistants today that just seem to want to get things done. they treat the patients like a lifeless, emotionless vessel with no regard of 'care' and it just made me want to badmouth them there and then. i know that if i was in a hospital i would not want to be looked after by any of them because their care skills are simply terrible. it just made me wonder, why do people go into care work if they don't commit? care work can be enjoyed so much more if you treat patients with respect, if only they could see what they are doing.. thats all i want.

the spread & jam

the simplest of the things we can do for our patients. the problem is, being a healthcare assistant in an ortho ward with a granny who likes nothing on the menu but spread and jam on bread is deeply concerning. the menu is supposed to be designed to offer choice. this poor lady only wants fish and chips - instead, she is always getting jam and spread.
yesterday i had my very first long shift. i didn't plan to do a whole day but then again if i was to survive in this hell hole i do have to take a few hits for my own sake as well as others. perhaps if i did this, someone along the way will return the favour.
anyway, i think i did over 20 spread and jams yesterday over the course from 7am till 9pm. if only i could learn something from all this.. if only.

student nurses

so i had a student nurse helping me out today and giggles just couldn't stop. maybe it was the ridiculous amount of washes we accomplished or how patients just lit up today, even the sleepy ones. it was really nice to see the ward in an upbeat atmosphere for a change :)

bed-bound patients & muscle atrophy

it really hurts seeing people bed bound. one popped hip or fracture due to a hospital fall and there you go, a week in bed at least for recovery!
on top of it all, you'll be admitted into a place with so many other terminally ill patients you become to think in a similar way to them. its only when someone educated comes along and gives you a reality slap.
you lose 2% muscle mass for every single day you stay bed-bound without activity. it makes sense that you'll start to get weaker and weaker. even the young would feel these effects, if not a little less than the old.
research suggests that muscle loss or 'atrophy' begins within 4 hours of bed rest!
if you're a healthcare professional please please educate your patients! get them to carry out bed exercises, get them to roll around the bed independently, get your patients to do repeated movements and sit them up really well in their beds/chairs. put some music on, start dancing, change the atmosphere in your ward. these people are here not to die, their recovery needs to be enhanced with motivation. emotional labour only goes so much, get to know your patients and treat them as individuals.
its infuriating being a healthcare assistant, especially dealing with incompetence on the wards.

We are the change

Today we had a complex patient with dementia and an unstable blood sugar level. The first thought cropped into my head was 'mismanagement'. Despite the efforts to restore the blood sugar levels to normal, obviously the nurse had no idea of how to handle a patient like this. I felt challenged today that despite my best efforts to bring the patient into perspective, nothing was registering. Curious case, and for the first time, in all my time here, I feel motivated to be a healthcare assistant. Maybe there is hope after all..

poor morale

reasons for poor morale within a ward:

1. working early in the morning
2. no control/sense of order in shift patterns
3. getting talked down/patronised by night staff/early staff
4. nurses scrawl and disappear for a good 30mins off the ward without telling anyone where they have gone
5. having done a good shift, and the staff taking over slash out at you for not completing everything
6. getting asked to fill in charts when you honestly have no idea what the patient had
7. not getting a handover
8. promises made by the matron not fulfilled
9. when staff members such as doctors or physiotherapists blank a friendly greeting
10. needy patient greedy patient attention seeking patient
11. cleaning shit/getting faecal matter over your uniform
12. the uniform colour -.-
13. nurses telling you to 'communicate better' when the obvious is so obviously evident just by looking at the patients or from the distressed tone in your voice calling the nurse for help a while back
14. repetition of work, inability to work with other members of staff such as doctors and therapists
15. answering the dreaded phone calls D: is that just me?
16. no weekly in-service training, being excluded from training sessions
17. excluded from MDT meetings
18. measuring urine output every hour
19. when you have to 'get out' from patient bed-side because doctors want to finish their morning round
20. getting told off by other HCAs for not leaving patient bedside when doctors come to check on patients >.> please explain to me why we have to do this because no-one could justify why we need to do this.
21. matron being extra upbeat and demanding the same attitude from you
22. matron demanding you to be more than 'fine'or 'ok' or 'doing well'
23. asking the matron to escalate an issue and having her laugh in your face
24. matron lying between her teeth
25. asking other staff members about an issue and finding that its been prominent for a good 2 years...
26. the sense of helplessness in other healthcare assistants
27. back-biting taking place at the end of every shift
28. when you end up with a lazy nurse / uncompliant member of staff on your shift
29. when doctors use the 'doctor's voice' on you  =_=;

enough gore for now, hope i didn't ruin anybody's day with this list.

if you have more reasons post in comments if you may.

lazy nurses and their wisdom

i think we can all agree that doing what we do, we do it because we value life and want to help others get better in the process. this kind of thing gives value to your life, its like your way of doing good in this world.
problem is, when you do kindness it often doesn't get recognised. yet, when you make a mistake, its all hell-fire on your ass.
i had a lazy nurse telling me i have good qualities. i asked her to elaborate and she merely said that

people want to work with you

it really makes me question - so if she knows this, why does she try so hard to make it impossible to work with her? *sigh* nurses!

3 out of 4 nurses would not recommend nursing as a career path

so i tried to blog this in my break at the hospital and it went so terribly wrong! phone would not cooperate!
one of the main reasons i have applied for healthcare assistance was to find out whether nursing is a suitable career path for me to pursue. unfortunately current nurses and trainee nurses have given me their opinions, and they haven't been very positive. in fact, 3 out of 4 staff nurses admit that they have made a terrible career choice to do nursing, and would prefer other professions given the choice. there were various reasons for their choices and i can completely understand where they are coming from. considering the busy environment  of the ward i currently work in, even me as a healthcare assistant i feel swamped (perhaps even more considering that i'm also a newbie to healthcare assistance).

the dark days

today i had to give a notice, and provide an end date with the nursing home. its been really nice and all, but everything has to have an ending. sooner or later my time will be consumed with other priorities and so i have to keep on top of things. its always bitter when you end a good journey, it leaves a sour remain in the hearts of the people looking after you. perhaps its a feeling associated with letting those people down somehow by stepping down, or perhaps its just the reality that you've been shielded from simply by going about your day. its not always so green and wonderful on the other side, more than often its a complete disappointment.
nevertheless, its always good to make the most of what you have left. look beyond the bitter in people's hearts and care for whats really important, your significance, and how to become a better person. its never good to hear negative feedback, however its always better to take this on and use it as a challenge to get better.
i never thought i'd ever have to look after elderly! then again here i am, doing it and enjoying it strangely enough! despite this, i look at what i'm doing and somehow feel bad for myself. i know i deserve better, i know i am worth so much more, i should be treated so much better.. but this road, i chose to go with it. now i'm here i have to see it through, its not a chore, its a miracle i'm still here and carrying on. i've never been so proud of myself ever in my life. this feels right and the obstacles i have to endure, i know will only make me stronger.

blown out of the window

s small relief to a challenging month

there is this thing called 'necessities' and theres this other thing called 'MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE'
today they were merged. after quickly taking a peek at my pay slip, i sighed with relief for i've been waiting for this pay day very very patiently. not to say the least i splashed out today. lets.. call it an investment in the good future. i prefer to place my money into good use, so for today, i hope i've done the right thing, for me. i hope that i will truly benefit from this..

insha'allah

this is all halah money, its money i've earned through helping people and its the sweetest gift, or like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.. ehh i'm making it sound like its a lot.. its not really.. its tiny compared to what others with my degree are getting.. but at least i know its a money well deserved, its all i need right now

alhamdu'allah

just too crazy

think hospital work is boring? WRONG! in 5 days the following happened:

• a fire alarm was set off in the morning conveniently on my ward, just on a day i happened to be late. no patients are gonna get any treatment without me there BWAHAHAHA~
• diarrhoea outbreak leading to a ward closure - never fear the bugs tho, treatments must carry on (which also means moar hand washings)
• lady fell on floor and shattered her neck of femur into little shards of bones - looks awesome on the x-ray, but painful for the poor old lady (i hope she gets better, she was really nice too)
• killing streak on my job: 

1. T-roll i suggested for a patient WAS ACTUALLY IMPLEMENTED! woop woop :D

2. stairs assessment not done by some lame student WAS ACTUALLY IMPLEMENTED coz i said so!

3. 20mins to get ready for church! fastest time i ever got a resident to get changed and ready for the day 

*victory dance*

so with that aside i had today off. i went to london to get my olympic uniform sorted - and i have to say i am really impressed. the fit is amazing and the quality is yummy. thank you adidas thank you <3

its been a fine week for randomness woo ~ :]

One fine day (in bed)

is that porn i see behind your pillow mr?

no fun staying at home, i thought my flu would be all better today, instead i woke up to a cough spasm - i kept coughing and nothing came out! common! all the coughing took all the energy out of me and so for the rest of the day i've had to call in sick.. no fun times at the nursing home this weekend :( it used to be one of my highlights, to see the residents, and well... something always crops up keeping me motivated & engaged. last week i was at the top of my game, i put my organisation skills into good use, and so everyone was really enjoying their shift. i got to see one of the residents do some amazing walking skills.. i mean 2 residents: one who wasn't supposed to walk but managed to find their way & walk to the dinning area while the other had helped themselves to the toilet (with somewhat success.....) and even put themselves to bed. it amused me what some people get up to, its all lulz in elderly care. i couldn't stop smiling, bless the elderly nation! i love their keen determination and 'can do' attitude.

no fun for me this weekend sadly, i uninstalled homeworld cataclysm, its just unnecessary stress to my tired and very sick self at the moment. i looked at some of my art stored on the computer.. i'm so good at it but its really no longer what i want to do. though, it got me thinking.. its always me designing for others, its always me doodling for other people and i've never ever had anyone do any art for me. its really remarkable isn't it? bubble burst - i think i intimidate people -in terms of my art skills and expectations at least. no one dares to approach me with a gift of their art work.. bleh dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing? mixture of both perhaps? i dunno.. the only thing i could find was this:

 and 
(which i had to colour... lol)

not feelin the love hahah oh well.. what can ya do eh? i'm hard to impress xD

Here it comes

down with the sickness, sniff cough sneeze all at the same time *multi-tasking*

my room should really get quarantined because my cold has turned into a deadly flu :( this week has been really crappy. flu = no work, so what do i do, waste my time on homeworld cataclysm damn i love old games like this! i'm too sick to play the piano and too tired to go out anywhere. is it just me or does flu medicine knock you out? it says non-drowsy but ... maybe its not working!!
updated design to blog, i've added a new header and tinkered with the background. i wanted to keep original template bg colour and just attach an image instead, i actually really like the old template - so for now the background image is just like a coating i suppose. minor changes.. i've yet to really edit the html script properly.. i just don't feel like it! takes time and high amounts of concentration to get it sorted.. bleh it 'looks' error-less so i won't complain.
bored now, i set a cataclysm game on hard and the cpu kicked my ass within 5 minutes flat. hyperspacing whores!!! my fleet stood no chance xD

phoned my boss today - my voice sounded so dead in the morning i barely had to say anything to convince him i'm sick to the bone - it hurts to laugh.. it really does. 

avengers

a low point at work is never a good thing. i found myself getting the glooms over the incompetence of others and then i thought to myself... why are you so bothered?! listed all the good things i've done and accomplished... i never thought i'd get through it... my desperation for a job? for the experience? for the sanity of my mind? i did the things i needed to do, and i should feel whole, accomplished and self-valued. what people do cannot influence my mood, my stress, my motivation. i'm my own determination, and the people around me are mere distractions! who cares if someone decided to change plans, evade their expectations, frustrate over work... for all that i am, i need to learn and listen, not be the centre of the universe. my time will come, patience, perseverance and offering assistance as need be is what i can only do right now.

all i can say is:

alhamdu'allah al'atheem

the long road

its so easy to say i'm going to do something. when you look back at all the things you promised yourself to do.. you really do get disappointed! its not so easy to do everything just as easy as it is to say you would do it.
this is called making empty promises - and it really doesn't help you in the long run. many people find that the lack of ability to carry out their tasks exerts stress and pressure on their lives. it would feel as though the whole world is against you, but in reality, setting out higher expectations doesn't really come without its side effects: stress, anxiety, procrastination..
what actually needs to happen is setting out goals that you could actually achieve. its the only way you'd be able to be satisfied with your abilities.. though don't mistaken this for repetitive tasks. set out a schedule to complete tasks over a period of time and stick to your schedule. by doing this you could take off the unnerving stress and pressure associated with completing a task in short notice. plan out your time and recognise that you have to be flexible. its not always easy starting something so give yourself time to adapt and build up your motivation.

revision for exams, completing dissertations, planning a big event, basically anything challenging requires time and commitment. nothing can be done simply through wishing. 

to grow

no amount of waiting will tell you what you really need to do

we read guidelines, we follow rules... and if something goes wrong, we tend to try to fix things, and move on. thats life for most people. where would we be if there was no order? things have to be in place to be peaceful. training your mind to empathise with others, telling yourself you can do so much more.. you all strive to be the best you could be - so why do you tend to try so hard to impress others but when it comes to yourself, you let yourself down? is that what you call empathy? how can you empathise with others if you cannot empathise with yourself first?

i found myself lost in an obstacle course.. trying to find out a hidden meaning to what i'm doing but in reality its plain simple. everyone has their role to play in life. how well you do your job depends entirely on your commitment and compassion. you're a professional body in an army of workforce and your purpose there is to do your job. there is no need for complements or the feel good drag - all thats there is you, doing your job correctly, and with dignity. everyone has a role to play in this world, and in this job, thank God for all the blessings and fortune that has been bestowed to you. in this work force you need to find yourself, and to do that you need to be the best you could be.

happiness comes from achievement, so achieve something great today, chin up and get on with it.

inconsistent yet provocative

stone sour

day 2 has been a complete inconsistent, some people think they can get away with things while others believe that they could be ever so responsible that allow me to do nothing. everything that happens would inevitably come down to the fact that i have not had my induction, or uniform, or training to allow me to carry out my role.
nevertheless things will fall into place eventually and i should really draw my concern away from work issues to more prevalent and important aspects of my life that would inevitably affect my future. i have to tread carefully and concentrate on whats really important, everything else will be ignored. inner peace really has its down falls, you have to pick your battles carefully, and kindness has to be out of everything you do, doesn't matter who you're dealing with, everyone is human and so deserves to be treated equally, no matter how much of a dumb ass you think they are. important thing is that you're there and you can make a difference in someone else's life, be it hell, or for the better.
speaking of concentrating on important bits - i need to get back to exercising regularly. for the sake of my sanity and others'! today i found myself bored to death with conversations about 'cute pets'. despicable time-wasting and empty conversations about nothing. whats worse, its between middle-aged women... common there has to be more interesting things to talk about. hey how about the NHS strike? will you be striking your foot in your boss's mouth and calling it a bank holiday? oh its on the 10th of May - have fun. please save me from this place and these people :/

deus ex machina

spread your wings

today has been very weird.. i've tried to define the events that took place and i haven't been able to really understand this place yet. it all feels empty, meaningless and quite literally a chore. i had information overload with navigation, terms, acronyms, understanding the basics, etc. one important question: what does the job entail is yet to be answered i don't feel like i've established this core and important question. everything seems off and disorganised... the aspects of work are all to new and i still don't really understand what my job here really is. what? am i supposed to somehow come up with a meaning to all this? certainly my first day has done no good.
i felt very claustrophobic today in the staff room. so many people sitting so close to each other, in a narrow L-shaped room really made me want to leave as soon as possible. i don't think that i'm quite ready for this.. i don't like being trapped and today thats what it felt like.
a hospital environment isn't as good as i thought.. well i honestly didn't have any high expectations but still, i wanted this and now i have to work hard to get accustomed to this new environment. everyone was friendly, then again, everyone would be on your first day. standard protocol.

the 'perfect' time

so true...

it doesn't have to be perfect, but its time well spent. following the whole gazillion things i've been doing over the past months i found this week really event-less.. i actually miss keeping my mind busy and preoccupied with interview preparation, going to work every morning and simply enjoying the amount of walking i achieve every single day.
i bought myself some work clothes this week, tried them on and moaned at the figure staring at me in the mirror. typical.
i've also been hibernating for longer periods of time in bed. that needs to change with next week's schedule so close.. dania has to get organised. i need to hire a tutor or somehow come up with a working method of refreshing my memory. its not like i'm not reading (looks at lil sister) i've just been reluctant to do anything significant.. maybe its because of the injury, or maybe its because of my poor attempt at the assignment, ehh. i need to work on that and make the change i've been so desperate for :(
i can't say i'm looking forward to work, i think it will just be another typical 'caring' environment but still, i have to get organised. i only have a few weeks left to improve.. and i have to get better, theres no other way around this huge time-consuming hurdle... lucky me, moar shit to sort through.

bone cracking

ehh everything cracks... feet, knees, back, top neck, arm, shoulders, hands, elbows, lower back, hips... aghh whats going on?! i couldn't sleep last night at all.. all i could think about was today. how am i supposed to handle today. if only i had so much enthusiasm as i have for... well everything else i wouldn't be in this situation. CRACK CRACK CRACK

astaghfur allah alatheem. 

like i said a while back... nothing comes easy with me. nothing at all. i have to do with what i've got and live. my essay today was... ehh not my best work.. i was all hyper on pro+ that my knees couldn't stop moving - i was shaking like i was on crack or something.. ehh caffeine moment. i over-dosed LOL?

so i had an interview yesterday... so many questions asked today were all related to university work. i kept thinking to myself WOO PEPTIDES!  but one thing though, what the hell is partial hydrolysis?! and suponification?! ehh that really threw me off i was thinking soap-making process... maybe? ummm maybe? concave lenses and partial pressure, ideal gas and henry's law... yeah i need to brush on my knowledge :/ the stuff i got asked were not anywhere in my comfort zone. i mean common wheres all the physio-related stuff? oh and the heart questions kicked my ass. i used common sense but wtf.. doing physiology at uni did not really help ¬¬

kudos for making my day insanely intimidating. i'm still having the interview in my head way after what happened. i'm just glad i'm still... alive. this has to be one of the hardest things i've done this year.. i just hope they didn't torture me... just to reject me :(