So far away

It has been a while. So much has happened since my last post. Started a chilled youtube channel (check the video above) and have been distant from the books for over a month. Friends from Australia had began preparation for interviews, pondering over which universities to go for, and asking questions about their next step. I feel as though I've made no progress.. On top of it all, Scribblar had changed their policies and now expects their users to pay to use rooms. Something which should remain free for all. Absolutely appalled by this!!!

dearly beloved

for the past few days it seems that everytime i lay on my bed, ready to go to sleep, the gamsat test creeps into my head. today i decided to separate the associations of sleep with gamsat. to do this, i made a list of all the topics that i could think of that came on the test. there weren't a lot that i could remember, and it seems the questions themselves seem so far away - but still, i think i felt traumatised by how many questions i found hard on the test day. i hope to get better sleep tonight knowing that i've written out the topics. yay for brains being weird.

these essays

it hit me. today as i was going through the list of themes used in gamsat, in acer's ridiculous random themes there is actually some order. all of the themes share a common ground. they are issues doctors would have to face on a day to day.. or even in the lifetime career of any medical profession. they are not set merely to test our language, they are in a sense capturing one aspect of our perspective of a given emotion, in the hopes that we would be able to draw up our knowledge and experience to tackle such issues, the right way.

as i watched today unfold, i couldn't help but see this theme projected right in front of me. these supposedly unpredictable and unexplainable themes, they exist in life. learning to tackle the challenges faced in life equips us with the knowledge to answer these essays. these questions that though we might not ponder over them consciously, but inevitably we ponder over them.

mirror's edge

classy me. i feel nostalgia for playing pc games. one of which i am looking forward to playing.. after the exam that of course - is mirror's edge. something about the fast pace of that game, coupled with amazing graphics and the heart-stopping jumps.. totally miss it :<
panic isn't enough to keep my motivation up, i need to really grill down with revision.
did a sec 1 half exam, and got 59% on the paper.. now that looks all yummy on the outside but i remember the damn questions.. even though i had done it back in august! so.. that counts as cheating because i did the paper before, right? the questions which i haven't done before (the ones i normally guess at the end) i scored 62% (8/13) which is great if i wasn't doing the paper timed! i need to speed up :/

apply some pressure

this song is gold dust... don't  mind the looks of the band, just LISTEN!

i need to see change

frustrations kicking in, everytime i figure something out, another problem crops up, stripping away the confidence. i need to start seeing progress, i need to see change!!!
section 1 and 3 half test done, awaiting discussion over at scribblar. more biology done this week.. there is so much more material left to cover, i feel really annoyed with myself.

chillstep for revision

is it too early? i've resorted to places like plug.dj to update my music list and i've come across some amazing music to help me keep focused. to put it simply, the genre is called chillstep.
much much has been happening this week, bio revision, bio questions, essays, finished off orange booklet, started reading a new book about philosophy, gone through the physics questions.. aah too much done, though i still feel its not enough >.<

revising in my new boots

revising in my new boots; because somehow that makes me feel better. am i the only weirdo? sectionz 1 and trois - thats French for three.

wild flowers

online essays today - typed and ready <3
i bought some flowers to add a bit of life into my boring looking study desk.. its getting filled with papers, booklets, practice essays.. it needs order and more life.

the perfect time

happens between the end of the night and the beginning of dawn. i can't describe how surreal it feels to be up that early, all quiet, the day just beginning... it really gives you a fresh start to a day. did org chem questions from red acer booklet today, kinda need to revise my organics...

brain not responding x.x;

having a weird day today. its like i've been trying to switch off my brain, or concentrate on one thing, and here my brain goes, all wild with so much chaos and disorder. to say the least, its been a weird day and i haven't been concentrating. i tried the typical reboot thing where you pull the plug (go to sleep) and wake up again to try to get a better mentality state, and that didn't work. with that said, all i did today was read a bunch of blogs, made a kale salad that went horribly wrong as i put too much spring onions in and washed. i hate marking my work, thats what i was supposed to have been doing today... did not really work out very well. 

/facedesk

i promised i won't moan today, so i won't. no revision today, instead i watched carrie diaries, skyfall, arrow and junior doctors. i honestly think that the correlation between study and exercise (and diet) ((and sleep)) does exist. now to control such variables....

GI unit interview lulz

would it mean my interview was good if i made one of the interviewers cry?

ah who cares! I MADE A MATRON CRY! LOL?!

dear matron, if you ever stumble on this post, this is for you:

this made my day! i was a nervous wreck when i came in, i think it was partly because i over-prepared or maybe it was the anxiety all the patients waiting around were giving off, i don't normally get this nervous.

anyways, i did not expect this kind of reaction (lol) what happens when someone reacts so emotionally to what you're saying? it shows, under all that armour we're all human.

after all the damn prep yesterday, nothing was asked about endoscopy :( also learned that the role is so independent you won't even have patient contact :( really really disappointed i think i'd decline the offer if indeed i was offered the position.


as a treat today i got these lovely boots on the left, they look amazing! :>

GI unit prep

did absolutely no revision today, as i have a job interview tomorrow for a technician assistant post in the GI unit. first impressions from reading about endoscopy: yeah great stuff but what else is there? it seems too constricted and like a fast pace get the patient in, spray their throat, stick a probe down their throat, take pretty pictures, take samples and done, kick them out the door the moment they feel ok to stand on their feet >_>
this made me have second thoughts about the post. my roles predominantly would mean that i would be stuck in the washroom, all by myself, washing endoscopes all day with hazardous chemicals that could (and would ultimately) give me dermatitis.
considering that i want to do medicine, would it be worth the risk?  my ego insta-answer self tells me no, but my brain is really split between the "suck it up, you've done far worse in your life" and the other telling me "fuck that shit, go revise. pass that gamsat, you're not THAT desperate".
either way, job interview tomorrow so fingers crossed x.x; 

the devil in the essay themes

is it just me or some essay themes seem to be so terrible?! maybe its because i find the topics boring but meh, some of them really do really fry your brain.
accomplished today section 3 timed practice acer questions, wrote 2 essays, attended doc's seminar and made my very first kale salad! i think i'm slightly more happy about the kale salad than the rest of the stuff i've done today >.>; moving on to marking section 3 now fun times.

zOMG kale salad with pine nuts, peppers, tomatoes spring onions, baby spinach, lemonz and rocket leaves :D

putting knowledge to the test

did the acer practice questions under exam conditions and scored 51% w00p w00p! first time i ever scored over 50% but i really need to work on timing!

heartbeat

done some vr reading to help my sanity. i can't seem to get over 50% in section 1. that really needs to improve if i am to have a fighting chance in this exam. getting really worried. 

itemization

revision blows. i took yesterday as a break, today i did some maths in physics goodness. a c grayling's book is truly amazing, i'm always wanting to read more everytime i grab the book ;D

lazy sunday

one lazy sunday its been! absolutely no motivation to revise, at all. I barely squeezed in an essay today, maybe i'm just using really hard themes.. meh, its blatantly obvious that a crappy complicated theme like prejudice would come up in the exams.

one easy, two hard

dammit dammit dammit. i need an exercise regime that involves me getting so tired just before going to bed. in my attempt to correct my sleeping pattern, if i try to sleep 1 hour earlier, i end up waking up in the middle of the night, and remaining wide awake for 3 hours straight. i end up oversleeping and waking up exactly the same time every day aaaaahh!
i can't just wake up in the middle of the night and be like, yeah i'm gonna work out now, mum, dad, oh hello little sister don't mind me, just gonna do some.. you know.. exercise.. get back to bed >.>
as if i'm not weird enough as it is..

one time i actually woke my little sister (back when she used to sleep in my room) just to tell her to get back to sleep. as evil as that sounds, i still get the giggles from thinking about it.

secrets only trouble knows

verbal reasoning questions done today, marked and annotated. biochemistry left to do.
aerobics done, diet needs tinkering for next week x.x;;;....

paradigm shift

today i was actually disappointed to find a job interview offer in my mail box, DISAPPOINTED! last year i would have been dancing around my room.. what the hell is wrong with me?!

astaghfur allah al'atheem...

I should look at this more positively.
at least its not a healthcare assistant job per se.. agh they are all the same are they not? cleaning poop/wee from an unfortunate soul stuck in the hospital because they happen to be sick? *sighhh..*
moar biochemistry done today along with sec 1 material. i really need to improve my sec 1, its complete ridicule compared to august last year. marked some of it.. i think i may have been half asleep answering some of the questions. i can't make silly little mistakes like this in the actual exam. 

we think too much and feel too little

happy new years by the way.. can't truly say i celebrated, for i know i shouldn't till i pass gamsat. funny how things are placed on hold while you concentrate on whats really important in life at the very moment in time.
its like while you're there in the moment, you can see all  these things around you, and its really your choice whether to get washed away in the stream or see the events unfold, as you wait patiently for your moment. its no sign of fear, its a sign of a wise adult making the decision of when to take action.
so this week its been biochemistry frenzy. i love biochemistry.. well some of it because its like piecing proteins and molecules together to make something else, with so many possibilities.. ok, i try to like biochemistry! i have to :O
i need to work on my revision schedule.i find that i'm thinking about gamsat all day, and accomplishing little, or just enough to get through the timetable. i need to make time for other things.. and that includes doing shifts at the hospital.