*sigh* i need to blog

so much has happened over the last 2 weeks but lets start with whats on my mind - family. the definition of family  is pretty much summed up as: a group of people considered close to you, who you care for, and somewhat care for you in return. a group of people could be anyone. for me, my friends at uni as well as my housemates were like a second family for me, they are the people i spent my time with, and they are the people that i went to when i needed something, and yes, they also did the same so it was cool. now i'm back home, with my family i see that ... ok.. well, i'm no longer the centre of attention anymore.. yeah u.u; my little sister is getting all the attention, and perhaps i'm finding it a little different being just another household.... adult. maybe i'm being a little funny about this because i didn't get the same benefits as my sister is getting? maybe i'm just such a strong believer of justice, equality and fairness that i'm finding the extra love given to my little sister.. perhaps unnecessary, or quite unfair.. i dunno.. its complicated.
now, the family i had at uni consisted of two groups of lovely ladies who i really enjoyed hanging around with. not only were they funny, but also complemented my style of living: no late parties, or alcohol, had strong judgement and common sense of right and wrong, and were great listeners. so, it puzzles me when one of these friends, decided to end such a strong friendship using the oldest and dirtiest trick in the book - perhaps its an english only book for i've never ever heard of this behavior from anyone else. ironically, the girl in question herself had told me this dirty trick, or agenda if you could call it as advice for how to end a friendship. it sucks recalling the situation so i'll keep it short, if you know what i'm talking about then you know, if you don't, then don't ask. its a betrayal in the most horrible way imagined, and coming from a good friend of mine - you could imagine how betrayed i felt after that day. regardless, if someone went to all this trouble to lose a friendship, perhaps its for the best for both of us that i no longer speak to them for i would never do such a thing and would expect nothing less of a friend. life's unexpected surprises come in all shapes and forms, i guess this was just another one of those things that will go down as crap history to forgive and forget!

face masque

zombie? lololol xD

so i have it on, and i can't form any expressions.. what is this?!i can't move my mouth, i can't itch my forehead oh its so weird applying a face masque - blogging this because its my first EVER face masque application. ooh tingly now - i think thats the mint/green tea working now. it smells so nice too - love how its all organic :3 hopefully this mask will treat my itchy/acne skin to settle it in time for graduation day :3 fingers crossed! and LOL i make a great scary zombie hahahaha

needz moar powaa

to lift things. i went to hull today. i laughed so hard at mum's expression when she heard of my plans for today, which at an unexpected series of events, worked smoothly. i woke up late, of course, but blame that on my extra curricular activities, i.e. zombie slaying.

nevertheless, i improvised - ended up in the train station in time for my train. hull is such an easy town centre to navigate to! there are 2 shopping malls (at least i discovered 2...) and 2 high streets: the old and the new, which are somehow interlinked by an ally way making it so convenient! theres a market there too but i didn't go deep into the old town centre. today my objectives were to find something for graduation - oh and i tried nike lunar swift 2+ and lunar glide + - they were both super comfy but i prefer lunar swift as it was lighter and better fitting - plus the colours were amazing but i still find that new balance 1026 pair that i found in TKMaxx by far were much better quality, durability despite being slightly fugly.

nike lunar swift 2+ score: 8/10 too expensive

nike lunar glide + score: 7/10 too expensive but pretty o_o

new balance 1026 - these babies own! score: 9/10 fugly but amazing fit & support

i bought new smart shoes, the amazingly fitted smart trousers from warehouse, and 'basic' (probably referring to the design, its a little common imo) but amazing in quality shirt that complements any smart trousers very well - it looks so good, even better than my monsoon and miss n smart tops! i'm very happy with it :3
i also found amazing skinny jeans in stone white/ dimmed white colour that i have been eyeing for a while in the H&M store but i found in better quality at Zara, i think its cheaper too. i also bought a planner for next year from paperchase, a mask to exfoliate my face, which has been lighting up like a christmas tree full of bumps and lovely acne.. i dunno whats going on, perhaps because of the amount of travelling i've been doing? maybe because i've had less green tea, theres been more breakouts? i haven't been applying any makeup, so that isn't the problem... hmm. also my hand rash returned.. i did spaghetti yesterday, and i had steam cooking my hand causing it to become sensitized. considering the fact that i have sensitive hands, this sensation turns into dermatitis - g'dammit!
i think i broke the bank today, seriously... my weekend's money earned, went poof today ;_; time to retreat into shopping hibernation....
i started bodyrocking today - first exercise: transform your booty workout. it wasn't as bad as zuz made it sound.. i was doing the forms properly, without weights though since i'm a beginner, sweated a little... i don't feel like it did much :L meh.. i'll be doing another tomorrow along with weighing and sorting out my fridge, eating my fruits.... and yeah. i think i may go town tomorrow, i mean nottingham, well, maybe... because i really want the blazer to complement the trousers i bought regardless of the fact that it doesn't look great.. i need something that matches and the price on this baby is just too hard to resist. i'll probably get skipping rope too - but thats it! i'll be walking it there too insha'allah :3 exercise exercise exercise! i think my body is finally lean enough to carry out some fat exorcism LOL i don't get tired from a whole day's walking anymore, i need extra things to cause pain and suffering to fat.

leftovers and a change of heart

frikin donuts...

today's work was annoyingly stressful and chaotic. the MAC man came in (he checks all 'tagged' products listed as high priority in the store and then anything that isn't available will go permanently on the store's performance report). just my luck, today the only items that weren't produced (at the time of his jolly and completely unexpected assessment) were the frikin donuts that i had in the oven. because they weren't on the shop floor ready for customers, i got scrutinized by the lovely regional manager. ahh when i heard that my performance was 'unacceptable' the first thing that popped into my head... well you could perhaps understand how i felt considering the fact that i've never met this manager, and somehow rudeness oozed out of their email. i asked my  team leader that perhaps i should apologize? write an email reply, to explain what had happened? i don't know.. i took it personally considering the fact that i'm always aiming for the best, working swiftly, and delivering great sales each weekend. everyone seems satisfied, even the staff that cover the shift the following day, or visit the bakery while i'm in, or after i had left... i make sure everyone is happy with my performance. i communicate and make sure everyone is fully aware of my objectives - that's how i roll. it felt natural that i should reply back, but obviously that could look bad on my team leader, and so i just went on with my day. it was so annoying though, the moment that you start your shift, a slap from a stranger comes your way, and ruins the rest of the afternoon. what would drive someone to such capacity to hate on another, when they have never even seen or spoke, or had the pleasure to meet you?

the only sound explanation is: its easier to hurt someone when they are not in the same room.

this is applicable to emails. its easier to make judgments, flame and backbite when you have no idea who you're referring to. perhaps it would have been better if my team leader not showed me the email, maybe i wouldn't have taken this manager's choice of words so seriously. what gives this manager the right to hurt another? what gives this manager the right to ruin someone else's day? i guess some people just never learn to empathize or have the etiquette to respond in a civilized manner. :(
it was fairly clear today that most people knew i was leaving soon, and so questions about my studies, future and so on pooled on me the entire time. considering that i have no plans, or more like, my plans were ruined.. i couldn't face up and tell people about how much i'm regretting every moment because of my disappointing results. it took every strength in my face muscles to keep the tears away. how can i be reduced to this? astaghfur allah alatheem...
i got home, and i switched on the music so loud, i could hear it all the way in the kitchen lounge, i screamed, i sang, and danced off this horrible day. then i realised, its not over. it can't be over. i reflected on some stories of other students who had a similar disappointing experience with their results, and a glimmer of hope came back. if these people could do it, why can't i? i'm so much better, i've got the interest, the talent, and i've never been so sure in my life about something other than this. i have to do it. i have to get it. now that i finally know that i passionately care about this, i have to do it. i can't just put my plans on hold because of my frikin grades, i have to do it.

shopping, exploring and uhh....

teeth whitening. i come here today, firstly because i am extremely uncomfortable wearing these 'miracle workers' crest 3d white strips. not only am i burping whitening-flavored... burps, but also, i can't close my mouth, they feel so weird!! no i'm not taking pictures because they look frikin ugly and disgusting!

aghh they are so disgusting..

why did i choose to do this? simple, graduation. despite how i am regretting everything this year, i want to set things right, or at least some things.. one of those are my teeth. if you know me, you'd know i love to smile and so i feel like this is an important step to getting myself back.. in a sense. no more depressed dania, time to be confident, no more regrets, no more feeling worthless, hopeless and out of touch with reality - i guess i just want to improve. over the past weeks i have spoken to so many people and given so much wonderful advice i don't know why i'm not following it myself! i need to listen to myself, so yeah. this week i have been travelling, exploring cities of the north of nottingham such as leeds, sheffield and derby. i have to say, i really liked derby's shopping centre 'westfield' its huge, spacious and has all my favorite shops.

awesome shop is sooo awesome! <3

i really loved the fashion in bershka - oh my oh my, i think this was the first ever store that i went into, and i spent at least an hour flicking through their wonderful fashion. they were all so wearable! i really liked their tshirts and how affordable everything was! it was amazing, even the staff were amazing, this is one shop i will revisit again and again, even if i have to go oxford street to see it!
eghh just took off the whitening strips. not only do they look gross but taking them off also looks gross. i hate the after-taste of whitening in my mouth. i don't know how i'm going to sleep tonight having half of what i had in my mouth, now lingering my stomach. i'm very very disturbed by these whitening strips. plus, it doesn't look like they did anything at all :L
back to my exploration - the city that i really found was architecturally stunning has to be sheffield. their town centre was a little difficult to navigate to, but i really enjoyed strolling (blindly) through the streets in my quest to find the shops! the moment that you step out of the train station you're welcomed by a beautifully designed  and complex fountain spanning the front of the station in different levels, reflecting the hills and breadth of sheffield. i found it very inspiring. the city looks very beautiful with the contrast of modern and archaic buildings - it really looks like a pretty place to live in.
so leeds, what did i think of leeds... well, it was a little further away than sheffield, and despite the popularity of the place by so many people i couldn't really agree. the shops were indeed spread out and i found the extra walking quite rewarding - but somehow it reminded me of nottingham, or to be more precise... a downgrade version of nottingham - i kinda prefer nottingham. with regards to sheffield's town centre shopping experience, i also prefer nottingham as it has way more shops, at a closer proximity and also easier to navigate to.
ofcourse, i took pictures but atm its kinda late to go through them, edit and upload them on here, so pics should be coming soon :3

Monkey see, Monkey do

Very happy with the results!

few days ago i googled how to select the best watermelons, and with my new found skills yesterday i went to my local grocery store, and picked out this lovely gem in the picture. i can confirm that there are no white crates deforming the redness of this fruit, and the taste is heavenly!
so how did i do it? keep reading my young apprentice! so the first thing is to look for the creamy yellow area where the watermelon was exposed to sunlight (as you can see in the picture) - the more yellow, the more sweet the melon would be. also look for dark green stripes - a melon with dark green stripes indicates that its been allowed to mature - means less white crates to likely appear in the edible parts. don't be put off by skin grazing like the picture as they don't influence the taste/melon. also pick up the melon, it should be alarmingly heavy for its size (no kidding i had to walk home with this one and my arms had a hell of a workout). when you pick it up, slap it. you should be holding it away from your body, not hugging it! what you're looking for is a thump similar to slapping yourself on the UPPER chest (not boobs! i know you were thinking it >.<) slap a few melons, and when you find one that matches the sound as closely as possible, that's your baby.
to make the taste even better, stick the watermelon in the fridge for about half a day to allow it to cool. watermelons used to be my best friend back in iraq when the electricity goes out and its super hot outside, i'd slice a melon and enjoy the lovely scenery of the river Tigris on the swings. today i woke up 2 hours ago (3am) excited to tear this one in half, like a little kid waking up to open christmas presents lulz it was seriously worth it. i can't stop smiling, this melon brought back so many wonderful memories <3

Montemartre, Paris

Feeding pigeons at Montemartre, Paris

this was most likely one of the highlights of the trip - so as i whipped out my crêpes au sucre and fed a little to the pigeon, soon there was an invasion of pigeons swarming across the floor, following me and yasmin as we donated our food to them lol it was fun - heres a clip of it when my lil sis started feeding the pigeons, enjoy :3