The confidence to speak up

Over the past week I've been applying for jobs related to healthcare. believe it or not, i kind of miss being.. relevant. That feeling of reward you get from helping someone.. I think i need it right now more than anything else >.<  i suppose that ties with the same concept of 'having a purpose larger than life'.

when will the universe notice me sempai?

silly but thats the reality of things.

i've also been in touch with my old boss, it's nice to know that people care about your future. talking to people really does help alleviate the frustration i am going through. being down all the time really does take a toll on health, ever since i got back from holiday i've been sick, with a nasty chesty cough. 2 weeks worth of antibiotics later, the cough finally eased, but the lungs still feel tight and sore when taking deep breaths.

i'm faced with a tough decision - i want to return to education and earn a masters but i'm having trouble psyching myself for it. last time i tried to do something like this i ended up terminating the course and i really dont want to do that again.
i really lost the belief in myself, my confidence has suffered because of it. though i still feel like i need redemption, come back with a force that will take the opportunities by storm and cause wildfires in forests.. err.. so to speak.

Revelation into how people become impressionable and grumpy.

I woke up this morning with a sour feeling in my stomach and answers to questions I have been asking myself about people's attitudes for so many years. Without experience I suppose it's really hard to grasp or understand how people turn out the way they are, but with a little insight.. You can see through a keyhole why people are the way they are.

Why are my neighbours always copying us?! 

Believe it or not,  people who have lost their way,  or have not found their purpose are very impressionable. When they find a figure who seems to have an initiative or has their life put together, they become like a shining beacon of hope and aspiration. 

Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there that don't have a reason for existence and that makes them incredibly anxious and prone to being influenced by other people.  Such is life. 

Why are people so grumpy? What made them this way? 

People turn sour when they are no longer happy with what they have. Perhaps they didn't get the most out of their job or education that for whatever reason.. Nothing makes things better for them. These people used to be hopeful, they used to be some of the nicest people you would ever meet.. However over time,  a wall is built between hope and expectation. 

Depression has a huge factor on how people live their lives, and it can be so harmful and contagious in the workplace. Ask yourself if you are happy where you are, if you are surrounded by people who inspire you to be better, to have a purpose in life greater than just existing to provide for the family.. If there are gaps in your life, try to think of ways to steal your life around, and make it better for yourself and others. 

Ok ranting is over. 

so overwhelmed :(

5 things that went well today 

1. i sorted the website layout
2. i feel much better health wise
3. i was able to begin thinking about the future for the website and how it will be integrated with youtube
4. went over the workshop handouts
5. i had nice food mum cooked :o

 5 things that you are thankful for 

1. food :D
2. my computer
3. my supportive parents
4. being able to apply my knowledge
5. having a warm place to work :)

 2 things that you would like to improve

1. set the tasks and plan out how long they will take
2. email the trust about my decision for business
3. schedule uploads and inform artists about the schedule
4. social media stuff repostings
5. contact potential people for collabs