romania, strike 2 - day 1

this time i booked my tickets to arrive in constanta on sunday afternoon. i used blue air this time and i noticed the difference. this airline was so much more organised than wizz air. it was an amazing scenery seeing the world from the sky in daylight. i wasn't as tired as i was last time i took the flight. i had to conserve my energy, i had organised everything, i knew what to expect this time. i was mentally prepared, i felt like i can do this. i had to be strong, i burried the doubts, the sadness, the strong bonds i had with england getting torn at every step i made into this new land, i had to be strong. medicine is my future and thats what i am here to focus on. i need to realise my wish for i am so close to getting on the right track for my life, for the future that i've been shadowing, for the future that i longed for, for the future that i deserve. i had to be strong.
i had packed all my winter clothes, i had made sure i was prepared for the worst. on top of it all, i had to be vigilant, i had to be on my guard at all time. i got to bucharest baneasa airport and i knew exactly which bus i needed. i crossed the road, got to the bus stop and waited for bus number 780, the bus which would take me straight to gare de nord, the international train station within bucharest. but this time i had another twist, to avoid the horrible trains i had researched coaches and found them to be much cheaper, more comfortable and had a direct route with less stops to constanta. i asked a few locals for directs, i just needed to know where i was before i could follow my google map to the coaches. i used gsm trans, which costed merely 50 lei for 4/5 star type of coach compared to the trains which weren't even first class costed 89 lei. from the first time i reached the coaches i knew this was so much better. there was hardly any engine noise, there were no distractions, no horrible wiffs of stench, the whole journey there were no kids screaming, or romanians over-crowding the area with their music, excessively loud laughs, or even the creepers that can't seem to keep to their seats.
i reached constanta at 9.30pm it was a 3 hour journey - but was far more comfortable than anything so far. i was pleased. the coach took us to the constanta train station conveniently, and as i was about to make my way through public buses to the apartment, the landlord offered to pick me up. this was a god send. alhamdu'allah i was blessed with a wonderful landlord that did not treat me like a tourist, but as an individual who was just making their way in life. perhaps it was my honesty that made him open up to me, or perhaps the fact that i didn't have anyone here in romania, i don't really know.. regardless, he was polite, treated me with respect and always advised me on the ways of living here in constanta. these are the kind of people i was searching for to be friends with. honest people like that, who weren't going to take advantage of you in a completely new world.
the area i stayed at was tomis, a modern and fresh area of constanta with many new buildings getting built. on top of it all, the place had central heating unlike the majority of constanta. when i reached the apartment, the number one thing on my mind was to call home and tell everyone that i have reached constanta safely. alhamdu'allah. i connected the broadband, which to the apartment was 16mb broadband, not bad for romania i thought to myself. after i had a cheese sandwich i fell asleep. the landlord had agreed to show me how to get to the university the following day.

the day before the day

nerves are really kicking in. i got the letter from the ministry of education last tuesday, i've quit my job so yesterday was my last day, and now i am free. no strings attached, no net to save me if i fall. i've got so much to do today its just crazy! i've got so little time to get things done i'm so stressed i couldn't sleep properly. checklist!
luggage
hand in resignation letter and locker key


what to include in luggage:
lab coat

romania - day 5 tuesday

today we took the first train in constanta back to bucharest. unlike our experience with the 1961 train from bucharest to constanta, this train was surprisingly modern! this train was of course called r or rapid. theres a difference in the ticket price for this one obviously as its more expensive. if you've pre-booked your tickets or have an open return ticket, then you're in trouble if you change between trains a and r. you'll need to cough up an extra 40 lei to change your tickets and obtain seats. they are very strict about seating in every train we took so thats another thing to worry about. despite having numbers labelled above seats... finding the right carriage is a problem - so its really best to ask people - i do mean ask, so not just one person.. make sure you know where you're going as some people see foreigners and think that answering 'da' is for everything. :/
the train times is almost the same, but there is significantly less noise and you don't feel like you're squashed with the unfortunate. these trains are more spacious and tickets range between first and second class just like normal trains here in the UK. standards are almost the same too - but do bear in mind that people smoke. even though you're not supposed to smoke on the train there is a tendency to find the odd person having a small wiff. its either that or you're unfortunate to be in a carriage with a heavy smoker(s) that literally lives in smoke. remember, the majority of these people are going to bucharest, smoke central. you've been warned.
with all our luggage (because we're hardcore like that) we took the metro to piata romania and then headed to the ministry of education.
our first order of things to do was to get this 'ready' letter. we went to the second building the ministry had initially referred us to, number 12 (theres no number on the door). we asked for the guy we had spoke to at the posh cafe/restaurant and after wrestling with the security guard, a different lady who spoke absolutely no english we managed to get hold of him. by that time it was 12.10pm. the time for general enquiries at the ministry ranges between 10.00 and 12pm - so this dude was doing over-time. nevertheless i whipped out my phone and started recording. i wasn't taking any chances at him bribing us. to my surprise... he had the letter in the folder he was carrying around. i signed a photocopy version of this letter and i took the original. he had said this was all that i needed to apply to constanta, wished us best of luck, shook hands and off we went. no bribes, no extra tipping, no cash prize. dad felt he had to give the man something, but my logical arrogance convinced him otherwise. i had already attached a postal order cheque along with my documents when i initially sent my application by post, and so we had paid the ministry the handling fee.
dad began to smile. i didn't. he told me, its almost done, you're so close! i honestly did not share his enthusiasm. there was much to be done and after i met that secretary my hopes haven't been so high. in fact i still could not believe that i am indeed this close yet. not yet - not until my name is registered on the medical course, not until i start attending lectures.. i don't think its anywhere close to being done.
the letter was of course in romanian, but some words were french/english-derived which made it possible to get the gist of the letter. it was basically just allowing me to apply to universities in romania for the 2011/12 year. only my secondary education certificates were mentioned and that made me worry. this letter isn't an acceptance letter and i fear for the worst of whats yet to come. i expressed these views to dad as we had lunch at piata romania's burger king restaurant. both his and my expression really changed after this - we both had the look of death in our eyes, theres more things to come. its not over yet.
we opened a bank account with alpha bank and got a sim from vodaphone while waiting for my birth certificate to be translated to romanian. we could not bring ourselves to go shopping anywhere, as we were dragging luggage, and we still need to make our way to the airport for tonight's flight back to the uk.
with little left to do here, we decided to take bus 131 to the airport.

romania - day 4 constanta

today, 6.15am we took the train at gara du nord, bucharest, and went to constanta. when i say train please bear in mind that i am really referring to a 1969 train model of a train in all its glorious downfalls. this is the train thats referred to as A or .....

train at bucharest, gara du nord est. 1969, still used today.

there was seats for eight people - considering that everyone smokes in bucharest, and how each eight-seat area is isolated with an interior door separating each compartment... well.. if you had tickets in the same compartment as a stinker, well you're screwed. thankfully we didn't have any smokers in our compartment but it was full to the brim. our legs clashed, it was impossible to sleep/sit comfortably. 

3.30 hours later we arrived in bucharest. after asking around for directions we were off to ovidius university. problem: we arrived to the wrong campus and had to take directions from a stressed out secretary (who kept insisting on having the reception door closed). that campus was so weird, there was no students in sight, and all doors were closed and unlabelled. it was like a neat wooden prison... i really can't think of another more obvious way to describe it.

we got to ovidus constanta at 11.00 with all our luggage. we didn't realise, we just stepped into hell. there were queues everywhere. people in my position were queuing outside secretary offices both foreign and romanian. i honestly did not expect something like this. no way in hell was i expecting so many students waiting outside a secretary office. nevertheless, we had to see someone, so we joined the queue. i was in no mood to speak to anyone. we only had one water bottle and in addition to how tired we were from travelling early in the morning, frustration soon kicked in. all of the people standing there were pushing, shoving, cutting in the line, and simply being assholes. there was a wide array of people from all kinds of backgrounds, and may were arabic speaking, taiwanese, and even from america and canada. 2 hours later i told dad since we're not getting to see this secretary any time soon we should probably call the dude at the ministry - or at least the girl that could barely speak and see the situation with my application. we called the guy and left him a message on his voice mail. i also sent a text for him just in case he was in a meeting/ busy to listen to voice mail.
after waiting for 4 hours i snapped. i couldn't bear waiting in that queue any longer. medicine was simply not enough to make me wait this long. i had pain in my lower back, my feet were swollen and blistered from the walking in bucharest and i was so so tired from the early travel. i forgot to mention, the previous night, i couldn't sleep - i was so anxious, i was so nervous, i couldn't switch my brain off. at most, i had only 2 hours of sleep the previous night. not only that, the lack of food really really pulled my stamina down. i was in no shape of waiting here. the queue itself was not declining. i was in the same place that i had stood, when i first came and queued. this was beyond ridiculous, this was inhumane. medicine at constanta is not worth this wait. i snatched the phone from dad and called the guy at the ministry. i was in rage, i wanted to know where i stood for up till now i have not only been lost in translation, but also dishearted at the amount of bribery, the inconsiderable time wasting and the awful anxiety that was reaching close to boiling point. he answered the phone. i asked about the state of my application. he simply replied, its ready. everything is complete. that confused me, what does 'ready' mean? have the letter of acceptance been issued already? has it been to the ministry? have they authorised my application? why haven't i been informed about the state of my application beforehand? if its been ready, then what are we doing here in the queue? right now i wanted any reason to leave the queue. i turned to my dad and told him, we should have stayed in bucharest. we should have collected this letter from the ministry before making our way here. we made a mistake - perhaps i was a little harsh, but i have really really had enough; i was looking for any excuse to leave this queue. dad simply replied, since everyone spoke of bribery, what makes you think that you're going to simply get this letter? surely there is a price to pay. surely this guy is going to want something in return. like i've said before, i didn't trust the guy at the ministry. the moment we spoke, i could not bear to trust anything that comes out of his mouth. there was this distinct distaste in the words he used, the body language, everything. nevertheless, now that we knew we needed to collect this letter from the ministry we abandoned our post in the queue and headed outside to find the apartment we booked online. we were both tired, hungry and dehydrated.
i swear i could not have done this without dad. hes been the rock, the role model, my guardian throughout this journey and there really isn't enough to say about how appreciative i am of what he has done, what he has made to make my desire to study medicine a possibility. i felt like i was so close to realising my dream, i felt like i was so close to making my dad proud.
we left ovidius and since my google map had said that our apartment is just 15mins walk from the university, we set out on foot, to find this place. we reached an area of hotels that were closed during the no-season period. we asked them for directions and they have said that oooh no, we had to catch a bus to reach our destination. me and dad looked at each other. he told me, lets go back to the university. this is what we are here for, and so this is where we should be. perhaps we can find out more about my application. i agreed, and so we set out back to the university. still, we had no food, still dehydrated, but walking seemed to give me more energy, i felt like i could stand in the queue. i felt like i could wait.
when we returned, the queue had not decreased. instead, there were people cutting across the sides, and there, the secretary demanding a civilised queue of a single line, one standing after another. however, that just made the people there even more anxious, and pissed off. there was disorder everywhere. people were not listening. the arabs were making sleigh remarks at the woman, while the english speaking were giving the secretary hand gestures behind her back. everyone was pushing in, the queue looked similar to the red coloured box illustration below.

blue = civilised queue; red = uncivilised, how things were outside the foreign secretary office at ovidius constanta

i felt the frustration, these people were coming everyday, queueing up to see this woman - who i have to say is very well dressed and groomed. it makes me think - with all the money pouring in from students, why couldn't the university hire someone else to help her out? maybe arrange for better queues, resolve current problems with limited hours (the office hours for foreign students to see the secretary was between 12 and 2pm). perhaps if she had answered emails this queue would not be this large. perhaps if regular updates were issued at the huge notice board outside her office, there wouldn't be so many people waiting outside her office everyday. aghh it makes me angry even thinking about the lack of things getting done there to sort out the queues!!
after half an hour, dad said hes had enough. a man of his age should not be standing, queueing like this. you can see the anger in his tired eyes. he hasn't had any sleep either. his worries for me were deeply engraved in the lines on his face. i could not bear it, but i had to stay strong for both our sakes. if at least one of us maintained solidarity, then the other would benefit from the strength of such will power. at around 3.30pm i reached a state of trance. quite honestly i was a zombie, and with no mental capacity to hold back my rage at this woman (the secretary). if she leaves her office another time to head to the toilet i would jump her. i would knock her to the floor and start punching her face so hard that i wouldn't care. the queue was slowly dispersing, but not fast enough to calm me. i've experienced nothing like this in england. i was not accustomed to such disgrace and quite frankly, i could not tolerate it. i felt like i was queueing with animals. this isn't my place. this isn't what i wanted. if i knew that it was so hard to even get my application moving here, i would have worked harder to get into med school in england. even if that chance would be so much slimmer there. i would burn my eyes out and tattoo knowledge into my brain so i wouldn't have to queue like this ever again.
to say the least, when it reached 4pm we left again to find the apartment. we took the bus downtown to mamias and were counting houses as we went. we arrive at the destination, 15mins bus ride from the university and i wasn't happy. we chose the apartment specifically because it was close walking distance from the university. nevertheless, we got there. knocked on the door, and some dude working at a print shop pulls us inside. his friend would come collect us and take us to the apartment. i looked at dad and screamed NO WAY! i've had enough of people pushing me around all this trip. i just want a place close to the university so i can go and deal with that bitch, rest and stick to the original plans! no way was i getting dragged around a town that has been confusing enough to navigate through all the weird road names and the ever so complicated bus routes. the land lord came 5 mins later and i simply could not bear to go around again. i asked the guy to take us to a nearby hotel, near the university. i wouldn't care how much it costed. i just wanted to drop the weight, the baggage both me and dad were carrying and head over back to the university. after ass kissing this guy as he offered to take us to the hotel, we checked into a hotel. i took both my baggage and my dad's. emptied it in the room, refilled the water, took out some sweets and washed my face, i bolted downstairs where dad was waiting at reception. neither of us needed the toilet due to the state of dehydration both me and dad had. it was close to 5pm when we reached the university. the queues were completely gone now. only some students were waiting there and we saw the secretary head into the romanian secretary office. we waited outside. as someone left that office dad took the opportunity to head inside. i know it was rude, and surely he thought so too, but really we needed to speak to someone. the foreign secretary escorts us outside this office and we speak outside. she informs us that she had been 'looking' for us in four occassions!! i almost laughed in her face - actually if i didn't have my dignity i would have spit-laughed in her face. she did not deserve the role she had, for she was a terrible host. she was the most arrogant bitch i've ever encountered. maybe because of the amount of students she has to deal with, or maybe thats why she had been picked to do the job. regardless, she was awful. she demanded respect where she had given none, and so she does not deserve. waving her hand around, she simply muttered: if the application is ready at the ministry then let your dad return to the uk, and i shall see you in 2 days time where you will have the letter from bucharest and a translated (into romanian) birth certificate. she quickly slithered back into the office not letting me finish - these idiots have not answered me fully. i didn't get a straight answer from anyone. how far off is my application? what the hell does 'ready' mean?!
nothing was definite. dad felt relieved that he had the chance to speak to this woman. i wasn't even slightly relieved. nothing ever goes my way. my low expectations have declined even further ever since i got here. i have no more hope of getting a place here. i was very suspicious of the guy at the ministry of education, and the way this secretary spoke to me did not add up. there was more to this thing, there has to be. my guts are never wrong on such terms.
for the rest of the day we got back to the hotel, spent about an hour at the room to just rest, then headed out for food. i didn't feel like eating anything, but i had to get something. we took bus number 100 to the city mall. it was impressively large. the mall there closes at 10pm unlike the usual closure hours in the uk at 5.30pm.

lost for words

its not that i haven't been blogging, its just that i haven't been publishing. i'm sitting on about 6 draft posts which i can't bring myself to publish. they are just not meant for anyone else but me to see. so what happened?
plans are on hold because of a certain waiting list and my little sister had a car accident on monday. its been overwhelming for me as not only did i have to deal with idiots abusing power where i've been, but also to worry about my little sister. she had an operation yesterday to reposition her leg. both bones in her right leg are broken. you simply cannot imagine the state of chaos the whole family has been in, and surely, i am really lost for words. theres no words that could be enough to describe our state of despair.

romania - weekend

so this weekend we went around to explore the shops in bucharest. heres the low down of whats worth exploring:
piata unirii - for big high street shops like bershka, h&m, new yorker, zara and so on. theres a big carrefour supermarket just a short walk away too making this place an icon. the shops are not many, but they are huge.

shopping heaven <3

politehnica - i love this place! its stunning both outside and inside! if theres anywhere in bucharest i would ever go to, it would be the AFI Palace (pic above), or more like shopping heaven! they have everything, and i literally mean everything including m&s, debenhams, H&M, kotton, so many shoe shops! each floor is categorised, for example, the top floor is for gadgets & toys. the floor below this has children's wear. under that you have the men's wear and on the first and ground floor you have the women's wear. so thats five levels of awesome shops!
lujerului - crap, but if you need a shop similar to a megastore of tesco, this is the place.

romania: day 1

it took me a while to decide to come to romania, bucharest. i did this after all options failed me. i had applied to the ucas system, chose 4 universities, did the relevant work experience and volunteering and ended up with nothing. i then applied through postal mail, researched excessively how to apply to romania, and which universities are best for medical school at a cheap cost - which was one of my issues with uk-based medical schools and decided that constanta is the right way forward. i had posted my application to the ministry of education (as this was the address labeled on the application form) and waited. i had completed all the relevant paperwork including certifying documents, and including a postal order of the admission handling fees. i decided to apply myself as there were so many dodgy websites offering agents to help process your application. these ofcourse costed so much money that made me reconsider the success rate of actually getting a place at constanta. are all the people studying there tied by this spider web of fraud? how would exams be assessed if you could bribe your way into med school? how is all this justified? how can graduating from this place be internationally recognised? how can you be allowed to operate on people knowing that this place is corrupted with people that can be bribed into giving you the grades that you need? what makes you a better doctor than others? how can you know if you have a bribe system here that ensures you get the 'best' grades? how are these people not considered criminals? how are these people allowed to run around, grab all the cash they can get from perspective students, and then students are only to be let down because at the end of the day there is no job waiting for them at the other end of the line? how is all this justified? how is coming here good?
so at first we arrived to the hotel which i must say, is amazing - but terribly placed. its about half a mile from a metro station and the tram system here is crap considering that trams come every half an hour. oh, theres no buses where trams operate, as far as i observed.
the people here generally don't speak english, but having a handy travel book with you really helps. transport is cheap - as long as you avoid taxi cabs!
so after getting to the hotel, having a nice lovely shower i went out to find the ministry of education. i had previously planned a route - walking from my hotel to the ministry, but with all the confusing local roads at the urinii square drove me crazy i decided to take the metro to romana square and then use the main roads to find the ministry... which was situated on a local/minor road.
its worth knowing the work hours of the ministry. as i came on friday.... the office hours ended at 12pm and for others at 2pm.
from mon-thursday, the office hours are usually from 8.30-5.30. on weekends no one works. if you want to call them to query about your application you need to get in touch sometime between 10 and 12pm.
i had arrived at the ministry at 11.40am. i had to wait for someone to speak in english at reception of the ministry of culture as the ministry of education door was barred, literally. after waiting patiently for 15 mins and having no one answering, we walked uo to the security guard, who didn't speak a word of english and demanded to speak to someone.. at this point i was getting annoyed as i didn't think the guard did anything while i waited. time was running out and i only had a few days here to get this sorted. a guy stumbles on my conversation with the guard and offers to help. he spoke english! yay! i explained to him that i had sent my application, tried to fax my query and even telephone the ministry but i had always been turned down as no one spoke a word of english. my faxes weren't even getting through to them as i had received no news as to what has happened to my application. after waiting and waiting, i was  given an extention to dial, i had in turn explained my situation, and was directed to another extention... which was redirected to another individual. when i had began uttering the words medical school admission this guy interrupted, and forcefully said that his office hours have ended, and so he will not discuss my matter today. he demanded that i should come on monday between 10 and 12 to talk. he didn't even let me finish, he didn't even take my details, he didn't even let me speak - he hung up on me. my dad was getting aggrevated at this point as i was slowly declining, sinking into my thoughts, doubts and regrets. i didn't think today would bring any good. i now really beleive today had brought more despair than anything else. i want to do medicine, but not like this - this culture, or unnecessary rudeness offerred by these people was unjustified, i honestly was about to give up. dad said that if this guy answered it means he is still in his office, and there is still hope. the guy that helped us earlier came through reception again and dad took the oppertunity to ask if we could see someone as we didn't really get anywhere from calling them. 10 minutes later a woman comes to reception and tells us to come through with her. dad smiled at me and told me everything would be ok. so we followed this lady, and down the corridor i explained to her my situation. she had said that if its applications i'm talking about then, i should speak to the people in this office, as she got us to this small and crowded office. people were waiting outside but as she went through, so did my dad! i said to my self oh my.. but went with it regardless. at this time it was over 1 hour since we had arrived, and i could understand how dad felt. he wanted some progress with my application as much as i did. the old witt sitting at the desk opposite to the woman who came to us at reception simply said that he was busy and that we should wait outside. dad appologised and there we were outside this office for another 10 minutes. at this time there was a lebanese surgeon - when he heard dad had said that he was a doctor, this guy just wouldn't stop staring at us. i spoke to dad in arabic mentioning how hopeless this feels and this guy started speaking to dad. he first introduced himself in a weird manner - as if trying to network. he was basically network dating - he was wearing all this expensive swag, and had an expensive gift in his hand. i observed the situation as a bystander. i didn't comment, i simply saw and tried to put things in an overall perspective. all i know is that i didn't like this guy - despite offering help/connections with constanta - i didn't like this guy one bit. there was no pleasure in meeting this guy, i felt disgusted that this guy had basically painted a picture with him as the centre of the universe and that with just a phone call he could get me into constanta. i felt like he just wanted to get into that office before us. he just wanted to get in and get out. ofcourse that didn't happen... he got in, got out and lingered in the side. i thought he had left and so i expressed to dad my concern for giving information to this surgeon - i really didn't like it one bit. he had this look of greed, hunger and criminality in his eyes. i wouldn't trust him with anything at all - and i didn't believe a word he uttered. dad on the other hand said we're here so we might as well make the most of what we have, and the people we meet. my gutts were telling me otherwise. i'm a strong believer of justice and this guy was beyond these rules. he was acting as if he was a god or something!
there was also a younger guy who had studied politechnology what ever that is... i thought it was politics mixed with technology.. i dunno. he said that everything here in romania is acheived with money. you bribe and you get. thats how the system works. heck you can even bribe to get your degree certificate without even attending university if you wanted. at this point i knew that we're not going to get anywhere here. talk is cheap and only money would work. nevertheless i told dad - i didn't want this! i didn't come all this way to dish out money like they did in iraq while sadam was in ruling to get things done!
anyway - the wait was over and we went into the office. the guy sitting at the office was an obese, rude old man who lashed out at dad for coming into the office earlier. dad was nothing but respectful but this guy simply did not want to talk about applications. he and dad spoke and leveled with regards to my application and he gave us an address (no directions) and told us to leave. the lady sitting opposite wrote the address and handed it to me. we said thanks and we left the office. outside was the surgeon and the politechnology guy waiting. the surgeon asked as to what had happened and offered to make a phone call to get this thing moving. he asked us to wait for him (we were all in the same corridor outside the office we had just left) the obese old guy comes out of the office and asks: why are you still here? he gave us directions and literally escorted us out of the ministry. on the way he was really making it obvious that he didn't like how dad stumbled into the office and dad was being nothing but humble and polite. this guy on the other hand wasn't. picture this obese guy pushing us out of the corridor into a roadworks hole and dusting himself afterwords. thats what basically happened.
i whipped out my map and tried to figure out where this new address was. we spoke to a few people and they pointed out the directions to us in romanian.... makes no sense, but we went with the first direction offered and so we improvised. after some struggle we found the road, and then the number. at this time i was feeling jet lagged. i had to wake up early the previous day to pack, and then had an 8-hour shift work which i always feel exhausted from when i return home, and then i had only about half an hour to get ready for the flight which was scheduled to travel overnight to romania. i didn't get any sleep on the flight and so i was awake all night, which made me so tired. when it hit 2pm i was relatively a zombie. i couldn't process anything - i just wanted to get back to the hotel and sleep. nevertheless, we had to keep going. we spoke to a lady security guard who i thought kind of understood my french, and so called in someone who spoke english. ironically the guy we stumbled on at the beginning was around and so offered to help! he picked out an extention to dial for 'adrian'. i spoke to this dude on the phone and was redirected to another number, which then redirected to another number that kept ringing with no answer. at this time the security guard had seen a lady come through the doors, called her to speak to us and so we did. she had said that she would check for my application, and so she took my name and asked for when i had sent my application. when she came back she said that my application was ready. i was confused now - what does ready mean? why haven't i heard anything if my application is 'ready'? she had said that they had the paper work and that we should come on monday between 10 and noon to find out more info. we were most certainly not getting anywhere. we called out after this lady, but she just kept going... she returned to her office. we looked at the security guard lady who also frowned like us in confusion and offered us a seat.
a young guy we recognised from the previous ministry building comes up to us. he had said that he deals with applications and so asked what was the matter. we explaned and he said that if the application is ready then all we need is a letter of acceptance. he thought that we applied in person and so he asked for an application number. ofcourse as i didn't hear anything from the ministry about my application, i didn't know of this number. he said his shift has ended and he was meeting a friend at a local restaurant if we wanted we could come and he would discuss matters of how the application works further.
he said that there are over 700 applications, arrived not in august, but at the start of september - when the deadline for applicants had passed. they had a month to sort through these applications and there were still many applications to get through still. i informed the guy that i had applied over a month ago - in fact its almost 2 months since i had sent my application!
he simply said that without the application number he couldn't do anything. during this time this guy and his friend were smoking, like heavy smoking.. the smell was killing both me and dad. the waiter came over and we were forced to order some drinks. i just wanted water as i really couldn't handle anything right now.. anyway, for a good half an hour he was talking about how much work he had and that on monday he would look me up and see if he could get my application number, etc. he can't do anything without my application number. he also mentioned a fee/tax that had to be given for the processing of my application. i had told him that i had included a postal order along with my application to the ministry. obviously, he wanted something himself. it became obvious that this guy was an agent. hhe couldn't talk while he was within the ministry walls but now in the restaurant he was pretty much spilling the beans. after dad exchanged numbers we left. as we were taking about today i couldn't help feel violated, and perhaps even scammed. i dunno.. it sounds like the way the guys work here is based on a network of paid/ bribed agents working in the background to make things happen. it was obvious, there was no work and so there was no money. all these applications are useless unless you bribe people to process your documents. as hopeless as today was, i got a feeling this isn't over yet. and as dad said, we can only hope for the best. little does he know i got very low expectations of any results from this experdition. i really feel crap. the only nice thing about this trip so far had been the beautiful city lights i saw from the plane. they were like neurones, very very beautiful.

faxing abroad

the first rule about faxing on the internet is to make sure that the number you're faxing has to be 10 digits.
problems usually occur when you're trying to fax abroad. what do you do when you have a 13 digit fax number? google ofcourse! sadly google along with wiki failed in this section. there are no free internet faxing facilities for faxing a document abroad. the cheapest i found was with faxsero.com, which came to a total sum of £3.76 or something like that.. it gave me the opportunity to fax either locally, or detecting that the number is too large and so i had to select - faxing internationally. another issue to look out for is the time you send the fax. its preferrable to send the fax during office hours - the earlier you send the fax, the more likely you are to successfully connect. this was the issue i was faced with today - since the office hours end at 2pm in europe it had meant that i had to ensure that i sent my fax before their lunch..... which is my intention tomorrow. i'll have to wake up extra early to ensure the fax is sent successfully? doesn't it make it more convenient for the rest of the world to be able to send out queries whenever at your own convenience? common.. no email address? i'm not impressed :/

putting pieces back together

inspiration: the sole purpose and drive to create something, to become so deeply influenced by something or someone, to be touched at heart by an idea so great that you must fulfil it in some way or form... is the greatest gift anyone could ask for. at the same time, if that inspiration comes from a source so completely unreachable, a goal thats so far away.. well.. it would kill you inside every day of your life knowing that you could never aspire to such grace. i cried while typing this last sentence.

i tell myself insha'allah every day, every time my mind wonders into that endless spiral of my own demise. i can't give up on my dream, but at the same time i have to be realistic, and take opportunities when they show themselves. i have to be alert of whats around me, and i have to focus.. thats the problem. i'm looking into so many different things that i cannot seem to concentrate on a single aim. i tried writing things down.. sure it stops the massive headache i get from thinking about.. everything; but its only a temporary solution and the less likely that i am to get anywhere. prioritising things doesn't really help. there are just so many things i want to do and just not enough drive to pursue the ideas further. they are just great ideas, thats all that they are and until i start doing something about them, thats what they would stay, just great ideas, lost to time. i have to start getting organised, i have to start accomplishing my goals, i have to start getting things done. i need to change the way i think from the impossible, and making things possible. i feel bitter about myself. nothing i aspire to, actually gets fulfilled and i really need to change that. insha'allah. wish me luck.