putting pieces back together

inspiration: the sole purpose and drive to create something, to become so deeply influenced by something or someone, to be touched at heart by an idea so great that you must fulfil it in some way or form... is the greatest gift anyone could ask for. at the same time, if that inspiration comes from a source so completely unreachable, a goal thats so far away.. well.. it would kill you inside every day of your life knowing that you could never aspire to such grace. i cried while typing this last sentence.

i tell myself insha'allah every day, every time my mind wonders into that endless spiral of my own demise. i can't give up on my dream, but at the same time i have to be realistic, and take opportunities when they show themselves. i have to be alert of whats around me, and i have to focus.. thats the problem. i'm looking into so many different things that i cannot seem to concentrate on a single aim. i tried writing things down.. sure it stops the massive headache i get from thinking about.. everything; but its only a temporary solution and the less likely that i am to get anywhere. prioritising things doesn't really help. there are just so many things i want to do and just not enough drive to pursue the ideas further. they are just great ideas, thats all that they are and until i start doing something about them, thats what they would stay, just great ideas, lost to time. i have to start getting organised, i have to start accomplishing my goals, i have to start getting things done. i need to change the way i think from the impossible, and making things possible. i feel bitter about myself. nothing i aspire to, actually gets fulfilled and i really need to change that. insha'allah. wish me luck.