The confidence to speak up

Over the past week I've been applying for jobs related to healthcare. believe it or not, i kind of miss being.. relevant. That feeling of reward you get from helping someone.. I think i need it right now more than anything else >.<  i suppose that ties with the same concept of 'having a purpose larger than life'.

when will the universe notice me sempai?

silly but thats the reality of things.

i've also been in touch with my old boss, it's nice to know that people care about your future. talking to people really does help alleviate the frustration i am going through. being down all the time really does take a toll on health, ever since i got back from holiday i've been sick, with a nasty chesty cough. 2 weeks worth of antibiotics later, the cough finally eased, but the lungs still feel tight and sore when taking deep breaths.

i'm faced with a tough decision - i want to return to education and earn a masters but i'm having trouble psyching myself for it. last time i tried to do something like this i ended up terminating the course and i really dont want to do that again.
i really lost the belief in myself, my confidence has suffered because of it. though i still feel like i need redemption, come back with a force that will take the opportunities by storm and cause wildfires in forests.. err.. so to speak.