leftovers and a change of heart

frikin donuts...

today's work was annoyingly stressful and chaotic. the MAC man came in (he checks all 'tagged' products listed as high priority in the store and then anything that isn't available will go permanently on the store's performance report). just my luck, today the only items that weren't produced (at the time of his jolly and completely unexpected assessment) were the frikin donuts that i had in the oven. because they weren't on the shop floor ready for customers, i got scrutinized by the lovely regional manager. ahh when i heard that my performance was 'unacceptable' the first thing that popped into my head... well you could perhaps understand how i felt considering the fact that i've never met this manager, and somehow rudeness oozed out of their email. i asked my  team leader that perhaps i should apologize? write an email reply, to explain what had happened? i don't know.. i took it personally considering the fact that i'm always aiming for the best, working swiftly, and delivering great sales each weekend. everyone seems satisfied, even the staff that cover the shift the following day, or visit the bakery while i'm in, or after i had left... i make sure everyone is happy with my performance. i communicate and make sure everyone is fully aware of my objectives - that's how i roll. it felt natural that i should reply back, but obviously that could look bad on my team leader, and so i just went on with my day. it was so annoying though, the moment that you start your shift, a slap from a stranger comes your way, and ruins the rest of the afternoon. what would drive someone to such capacity to hate on another, when they have never even seen or spoke, or had the pleasure to meet you?

the only sound explanation is: its easier to hurt someone when they are not in the same room.

this is applicable to emails. its easier to make judgments, flame and backbite when you have no idea who you're referring to. perhaps it would have been better if my team leader not showed me the email, maybe i wouldn't have taken this manager's choice of words so seriously. what gives this manager the right to hurt another? what gives this manager the right to ruin someone else's day? i guess some people just never learn to empathize or have the etiquette to respond in a civilized manner. :(
it was fairly clear today that most people knew i was leaving soon, and so questions about my studies, future and so on pooled on me the entire time. considering that i have no plans, or more like, my plans were ruined.. i couldn't face up and tell people about how much i'm regretting every moment because of my disappointing results. it took every strength in my face muscles to keep the tears away. how can i be reduced to this? astaghfur allah alatheem...
i got home, and i switched on the music so loud, i could hear it all the way in the kitchen lounge, i screamed, i sang, and danced off this horrible day. then i realised, its not over. it can't be over. i reflected on some stories of other students who had a similar disappointing experience with their results, and a glimmer of hope came back. if these people could do it, why can't i? i'm so much better, i've got the interest, the talent, and i've never been so sure in my life about something other than this. i have to do it. i have to get it. now that i finally know that i passionately care about this, i have to do it. i can't just put my plans on hold because of my frikin grades, i have to do it.