embarrassing phone skills =_=

The best is yet to come

ok i must have done something right... today i received a phone call from the weird interview people asking me to come for a panel interview!!!! w00p w00p! regardless of how democratic that weird interview was, all i can say is alhamdu'allah. my efforts are finally paying off, at least i hope they are.
funny how i received that phone call i was in the toilet (oh yes), and my sis ran downstairs with my phone by the time she gave me the phone i tried to answer it quickly but ofcourse the ring tone was gone off for too long and i thought i missed the call. i rawr loudly in frustration at my phone as i glanced at the ticking timer indicating that the call was connected, and i hear a lady voice on the other side freaked out by my outraged rawr LOL she said 'uhm... hello?' and omg i laughed hysterically apologising as she spoke LOOOOOL oh dear lovely phone skills dania. LOOOL good thing she didn't change her mind about inviting me back for an interview hahahaa!

another time i did something like that was when i over-slept back in nottingham. i was supposed to be up at 5am but instead i got woken up by an unfortunate team leader who rang me in my sleep. apparently i screamed at her down the phone mumbling gibberish and leaving her on the line just hanging there... (i don't have any memory of actually screaming or answering the phone LOL) she couldn't stop laughing at me as i arrived late to work. she claimed she heard me rumble around the bed and adjusting my covers LOOOL

that too is true.. careful now

like with everything i do, it seems like the bad drags me down all the way through life and i only get to see glimmers of hope here and there. so i'm really skeptical of it all - happiness never lasts, to make something last you have to keep hammering that nail till it breaks.. or completely disappears. so yeah i shouldn't celebrate just yet. theres a life force of competition out there with so many people wanting what i want. even when theres a slight chance of being unique reality slaps your face back to earth. at least thats the case with me. never ever take happiness as a good thing. theres always a catch. theres always underlying decisions that will concur the outcome of your actions. it doesn't hurt to take an overall look at the situation and choose the most logical and sensible choice. though thats kinda looking a lil far so for now enjoy the feeling of interviews and prepare for the worst as it is yet to come, oh and yes it will most definitely come when you least expect it. life sucks like that. good feeling's gone. gg dania for getting on the gloom glooms and frowns out to good news.
on other news my back hurts. i accidentally did exercise today (yay?) and i think i might have over-done it..... no, actually i didn't... its just me - i'm so out of shape. i looked at myself today in the changing rooms and just thought to myself: yuck! time for a change.

displacement where grounds were warm

because hope just takes a bite out of your heart making it black like this feather

i'm in a funny mood today - i think i woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something.. i had an appointment this morning at the job centre to try to figure out where to look for jobs etc. problem is, the person i spoke to, honestly didn't have a clue about what i wanted.. maybe i'm not clear about what i want - meh i just wanted to do masters. i don't like being confused, i don't like the fact that i don't actually know anyone who has been in my position.... even good old google with all the answers doesn't seem to have an answer to my questions. google labs should make a thing that could tell you more about yourself.. or what jobs you can apply for.

however despite this whining and self pitty - at least i took a step today, at least i made an effort to search and thats more than i can recall doing when i was with sainsburys.. i guess i just needed to lose something in order to get something else.... or it just proves that i was waaay too comfy in my job and all the people i knew. dania start aiming high and stop shooting yourself in the foot, woman!
i've been decluttering my room - that right now, if i open my wardrobe, i can sigh with relief! its not all clogged up with clothes i'm not going to wear, instead, everything is neat. i only have what i need, and thats how i like it. i can actually see some space there, and thats an achievement! i feel better - the thing is, the whole house needs to feel like my wardrobe, at the moment its one big storage bin. everything just seems to get in, and no relief is returned to the house. baby steps.

where to begin?! q_q

so much on my mind aghh

blog post by one pearl button  really opened my eyes about ways to get organised. simply wow...

whats on my mind? well.....

game fest 2011

sickness

sainsburys
volunteering
going abroad

tutorials i need to read

logo design for aa

inspiration for da submission

no more zombies, get over it

sort room - walls, table, floors, storage

need to know where everything is!

sort kitchen - rip out old and stick in the new

get a working environment to learn new stuff - my room needs to be spotless :(

learn illustrator
learn adobe premier
learn after effects
learn sai

camera

lose weight - because like a cactus, i can't seem to lose what i already have

seo work

learn moar about advertising on the internets

read some darn science articles

publish some new content on review science

publish content on artist alliance

get organised, know what i need to do and when to do it

find time to pray

find time for parents

find time for relaxing

review current knowledge

find out about what to do with my degree

this darn cough

attic... is.. heavy... need to de-clutter

wash

aerobics

don't depress over others, get on, focus

paint walls

get paint for walls

feel like you're doing something... & have a target, at least 1

meh..

sleep

getting back a normal sleeping pattern

getting overwhelmed with the list

skipping to the sleep bit

zzzzz....

COUGHHHHHH

zzzzzzz.....

sad face

story of my life.

< insert something appropriate --->

today while i was working mum came over. the look on her face when she approached me as i was code checking.. it was a look of affection, a look of pity, a look of feeling sorry. at that moment i knew she had given up on me going to uni this year.
it almost brought tears to my eyes.. her tone of voice really struck knives down my back. she told me: dad has been speaking to some girls at work, and they advised him on how to land a job there. she asked, whether i'd be interested. of course i'd be interested.. but its kinda obvious, first come, first serve basis was always the case. regardless, i can't get her image, her face out of my head. it has consumed me today, and almost drained me. insha'allah things will work out. insha'allah this struggle will be over soon. insha'allah i'd make her proud someday..

whats the point?

whats the deal with muslims celebrating eid on different days? the majority of people celebrated it on tuesday while some mosques decided that oooh no we can't see the moon, the mosque next door lies! ...meh. people begin to fast all on the same day, so why not agree to celebrate eid on the same day? weird world we live in...
it was back to work today for me, and it was so darn busy today.. i confronted... well.. talked to my manager today regarding a list of issues i had over the past week, which was great and all except it seemed like he wasn't really listening and i fear for the worst. as usual, only the crap seems to find its way for me, and nothing good ever seems to come out at all.
i'm finding it really difficult to be at peace when i'm alone. all my regrets, how my hopes and aspirations all seem so far away and i can never ever reach absolution because of so many obstacles in my way aghh. example? the muslim family who were renting our second property, who lived on the council and claimed all sorts of benefits and did not pay rent till the end of every single month (or till dad started tearing his hair) decided to leave the country, unexpectedly. after getting their british citizenship, and claiming all the money from the council, they left for dubai! they not only paid july's rent on the 10th of august, but also didn't pay the 21 days of rent that they lived in during ramadhan! the family were supposedly poor and so were living on the council! they left the house in such a state.. i really cannot wish them anything but curses. they lived in the property for 6 whole years and to be honest.. despite leaving unexpectedly.. i'm also kinda relieved that they're gone. a muslim would never do such a thing. mum said that the money that they took would count as zakat because it most certainly did not come out of their pockets, and the sole purpose of the benefits was to pay for the rent, which wasn't paid so yeah... what can you do? i say let god treat them as they've treated us for on judgement day there will be no mercy for the kafir.
this little mishap ruined all our plans to renovate our 15 year old kitchen. now we'll have to clean up that house, find new tenants and watch our spending because without the money coming from the rent, we cannot afford to go anywhere or even pay for my brother's living expenses at uni. that house being rented was really the only relief we had for the mortgages, bills, etc. and so without it rented, its extremely difficult to do anything. astaghfur allah alatheem.

another example is booking a gp appointment. i needed a health check up to apply for volunteer work - now not only did the clinic not have my details, but i've had to register as a new patient. this meant that my details were to be transferred from nottingham's clinic to here, which is estimated to take as much as 4 weeks! in 4 weeks the flippin position would be filled! i've done a new patient check up but thats just a bs test done by a nurse, which is meaningless to the employers because special tests are needed. aghh! i called them up a week later and they still don't have my records. i'm really not impressed. i've told the employment lady about my situation and she cannot guarantee my place. sucks to be me right now. i can't even secure a volunteer role wtf.

i keep telling myself, that i'm fortunate to have a home, to have a loving family, to have food on the table, to have a job, to have the ability to walk, talk, hear, play, write, and so on but when i'm alone, i can't help getting upset, i really can't.

Eid Mubarak

first of all, i just wanted to wish all my readers a lovely, peaceful and prosperous eid and a wonderful year to come. why haven't i posted in the past month? one word: busy. i've changed my contracted hours at work from a mere 16 hours on weekends, to a full time hard core 39 hours. the perks i get from this include being in the bakery, freedom to take my break when i need to, do an active job - challenging both my mind and (fingers crossed) shifting the body mass. speaking of which.. i can't believe i didn't lose any weight while fasting during ramadhan! perhaps it was related to the time i ate.. 3am seriously doesn't make you lose weight, especially when you break the fast about 8.30. there simply isn't any activity between these two times, and with work consuming the day, when i get home, all i want to do is hit the bed.

what i found impressive was that i could go on my day and still be active regardless of how hungry/thirsty i was. i was honestly expecting problems to occur, but alhamdu'allah i was fine throughout the month.

for my sister's birthday treat, the whole family went to bournemouth. yes! sandy beach ftw! but.... 2 weeks later, we find out that she caught chicken pox! this not only meant that she couldn't fast with me, but also that she had to deal with all the symptoms associated with the plague. 2 weeks later, brother comes home to help out clean the rented house, and on his second day, he develops chicken pox (his second time getting the disease). after wiki reading and research, we all know that pox affects adults more severely.. and this truly showed on his face, back and front. i just want him to get better, i've never seen him this ill all my life its really sad. when am i gonna get it? alhamdu'allah i didn't get the disease despite my frail immune system, at least i hope i don't get it in the coming weeks.. the incubation period varies from person to person so for all i know, it could be cooking right now as i blog (eek..)

leftovers and a change of heart

frikin donuts...

today's work was annoyingly stressful and chaotic. the MAC man came in (he checks all 'tagged' products listed as high priority in the store and then anything that isn't available will go permanently on the store's performance report). just my luck, today the only items that weren't produced (at the time of his jolly and completely unexpected assessment) were the frikin donuts that i had in the oven. because they weren't on the shop floor ready for customers, i got scrutinized by the lovely regional manager. ahh when i heard that my performance was 'unacceptable' the first thing that popped into my head... well you could perhaps understand how i felt considering the fact that i've never met this manager, and somehow rudeness oozed out of their email. i asked my  team leader that perhaps i should apologize? write an email reply, to explain what had happened? i don't know.. i took it personally considering the fact that i'm always aiming for the best, working swiftly, and delivering great sales each weekend. everyone seems satisfied, even the staff that cover the shift the following day, or visit the bakery while i'm in, or after i had left... i make sure everyone is happy with my performance. i communicate and make sure everyone is fully aware of my objectives - that's how i roll. it felt natural that i should reply back, but obviously that could look bad on my team leader, and so i just went on with my day. it was so annoying though, the moment that you start your shift, a slap from a stranger comes your way, and ruins the rest of the afternoon. what would drive someone to such capacity to hate on another, when they have never even seen or spoke, or had the pleasure to meet you?

the only sound explanation is: its easier to hurt someone when they are not in the same room.

this is applicable to emails. its easier to make judgments, flame and backbite when you have no idea who you're referring to. perhaps it would have been better if my team leader not showed me the email, maybe i wouldn't have taken this manager's choice of words so seriously. what gives this manager the right to hurt another? what gives this manager the right to ruin someone else's day? i guess some people just never learn to empathize or have the etiquette to respond in a civilized manner. :(
it was fairly clear today that most people knew i was leaving soon, and so questions about my studies, future and so on pooled on me the entire time. considering that i have no plans, or more like, my plans were ruined.. i couldn't face up and tell people about how much i'm regretting every moment because of my disappointing results. it took every strength in my face muscles to keep the tears away. how can i be reduced to this? astaghfur allah alatheem...
i got home, and i switched on the music so loud, i could hear it all the way in the kitchen lounge, i screamed, i sang, and danced off this horrible day. then i realised, its not over. it can't be over. i reflected on some stories of other students who had a similar disappointing experience with their results, and a glimmer of hope came back. if these people could do it, why can't i? i'm so much better, i've got the interest, the talent, and i've never been so sure in my life about something other than this. i have to do it. i have to get it. now that i finally know that i passionately care about this, i have to do it. i can't just put my plans on hold because of my frikin grades, i have to do it.

Silence before the storm

I really miss playing final fantasy x! dunno about you guys but it seems like the more that i try to force myself to read/do my dissertation the harder it gets to concentrate and actually do my work :/ how do you do it? how do others do it? i really need to switch on my robot mode and do the work aghh its driving me crazy!! i'm 22 years old, i should know how to force myself to finish my work and do this properly by now >.< why am i always putting things off!?


this year has been so crap i really really really want to turn things around but theres simply no time.. i'll just have to do with what i've got.. (emo alert - read further at your own risk, i'm just frustrated and need to put thoughts to paper... or blog or whatever..)
next year i just want to chill, do photography, fix up the house that dad has been 'fixing' for the past 5 years and just not getting it done, write my blog, lose weight and travel. i don't want any sainsburys... i don't want anything annoying i just want one year where i can just reflect on things, learn more about web design, and try to figure out what to do next. i don't want any deadlines, any assignments, and certainly no more exams :( though.. at the same time i want my own place... i want to believe in myself again, i want to become more religious.. aghh maybe its the people i hang around with, maybe its the attachments i've formed, they are all full of disappointments, regret and just envy. gosh i hate even saying that word! i want to get an xbox, i want to catch up on all the games i've missed, i want to be independent. i cant do that until i get a proper research job and that needs more studying aghh i hate how everything comes at a price the tuition fees are rising in cost, working while studying has just made things worse i'm so depressed. i just want this phase of my life to be over its just a big strangle right now and i need my life to shape up - i need to know where i'm heading and everything i've done has all been full of regrets and despise for myself for not fulfilling my targets and actually improving. sucks to be me :(

sainsburys chat up lines

sooooo i've been thinking about making this for a while now, though for the sake of staying employed i will tread carefully. heres a little insight into where my brain drifts off while working at sainsburys - before i begin, i'd like to sincerely apologise to sainsburys for this but the long hours do drive us crazy, please forgive us for being human x.xok so now the ass kissing is out of the way, lets get down to business - get it? did you see what i did there? never mind.

so lets assume you're a girl working at the checkouts. you've got a few things to ask the customer before they can run away with the shopping. you scan items to and fro till you're done and hit enter to get the total cost. theres a little gap i like to call, checking out the customers...

what customers don't know, is that there is a hidden meaning behind the type of questions we ask - assuming the customer in question has an attractive trait of course! here are a few examples:

"do you have a nectar card?"

do you have any STIs? this makes me chuckle every time. i'm twisted sorry xD

"are you collecting active kids vouchers?"

are you single?

"would you like any cash back?"

you doing anything tonight?

"would you like any help with the packing?"

its a test of agility: customers packing vs. your awesome speedy scannings of itenz. guys who could keep up quite possibly have skillz... elsewhere (insert inappropriate quote here) >.>

thats it for sainsburys chat up lines ~ i'd love to get some insights into what the customers think of the things cashiers ask you every time you're on the spot at the check outs.

thanks for reading, and as always - have a lovely day