just too crazy

think hospital work is boring? WRONG! in 5 days the following happened:

• a fire alarm was set off in the morning conveniently on my ward, just on a day i happened to be late. no patients are gonna get any treatment without me there BWAHAHAHA~
• diarrhoea outbreak leading to a ward closure - never fear the bugs tho, treatments must carry on (which also means moar hand washings)
• lady fell on floor and shattered her neck of femur into little shards of bones - looks awesome on the x-ray, but painful for the poor old lady (i hope she gets better, she was really nice too)
• killing streak on my job: 

1. T-roll i suggested for a patient WAS ACTUALLY IMPLEMENTED! woop woop :D

2. stairs assessment not done by some lame student WAS ACTUALLY IMPLEMENTED coz i said so!

3. 20mins to get ready for church! fastest time i ever got a resident to get changed and ready for the day 

*victory dance*

so with that aside i had today off. i went to london to get my olympic uniform sorted - and i have to say i am really impressed. the fit is amazing and the quality is yummy. thank you adidas thank you <3

its been a fine week for randomness woo ~ :]

One fine day (in bed)

is that porn i see behind your pillow mr?

no fun staying at home, i thought my flu would be all better today, instead i woke up to a cough spasm - i kept coughing and nothing came out! common! all the coughing took all the energy out of me and so for the rest of the day i've had to call in sick.. no fun times at the nursing home this weekend :( it used to be one of my highlights, to see the residents, and well... something always crops up keeping me motivated & engaged. last week i was at the top of my game, i put my organisation skills into good use, and so everyone was really enjoying their shift. i got to see one of the residents do some amazing walking skills.. i mean 2 residents: one who wasn't supposed to walk but managed to find their way & walk to the dinning area while the other had helped themselves to the toilet (with somewhat success.....) and even put themselves to bed. it amused me what some people get up to, its all lulz in elderly care. i couldn't stop smiling, bless the elderly nation! i love their keen determination and 'can do' attitude.

no fun for me this weekend sadly, i uninstalled homeworld cataclysm, its just unnecessary stress to my tired and very sick self at the moment. i looked at some of my art stored on the computer.. i'm so good at it but its really no longer what i want to do. though, it got me thinking.. its always me designing for others, its always me doodling for other people and i've never ever had anyone do any art for me. its really remarkable isn't it? bubble burst - i think i intimidate people -in terms of my art skills and expectations at least. no one dares to approach me with a gift of their art work.. bleh dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing? mixture of both perhaps? i dunno.. the only thing i could find was this:

 and 
(which i had to colour... lol)

not feelin the love hahah oh well.. what can ya do eh? i'm hard to impress xD

Here it comes

down with the sickness, sniff cough sneeze all at the same time *multi-tasking*

my room should really get quarantined because my cold has turned into a deadly flu :( this week has been really crappy. flu = no work, so what do i do, waste my time on homeworld cataclysm damn i love old games like this! i'm too sick to play the piano and too tired to go out anywhere. is it just me or does flu medicine knock you out? it says non-drowsy but ... maybe its not working!!
updated design to blog, i've added a new header and tinkered with the background. i wanted to keep original template bg colour and just attach an image instead, i actually really like the old template - so for now the background image is just like a coating i suppose. minor changes.. i've yet to really edit the html script properly.. i just don't feel like it! takes time and high amounts of concentration to get it sorted.. bleh it 'looks' error-less so i won't complain.
bored now, i set a cataclysm game on hard and the cpu kicked my ass within 5 minutes flat. hyperspacing whores!!! my fleet stood no chance xD

phoned my boss today - my voice sounded so dead in the morning i barely had to say anything to convince him i'm sick to the bone - it hurts to laugh.. it really does. 

did you just say that?

painful wrist :(

behold, my first A&E incident. doesn't it look cool?! well looks are deceiving because it hurts like hell :(
x-rays say that i haven't fractured anything but jeez look at it, that haematoma doesn't grow that big if nothing is broken! i hope nothing is broken >.<
it hurts to flex my hand so i'll keep this post short & get some rest. ouch =_=;;

bone cracking

ehh everything cracks... feet, knees, back, top neck, arm, shoulders, hands, elbows, lower back, hips... aghh whats going on?! i couldn't sleep last night at all.. all i could think about was today. how am i supposed to handle today. if only i had so much enthusiasm as i have for... well everything else i wouldn't be in this situation. CRACK CRACK CRACK

astaghfur allah alatheem. 

like i said a while back... nothing comes easy with me. nothing at all. i have to do with what i've got and live. my essay today was... ehh not my best work.. i was all hyper on pro+ that my knees couldn't stop moving - i was shaking like i was on crack or something.. ehh caffeine moment. i over-dosed LOL?

so i had an interview yesterday... so many questions asked today were all related to university work. i kept thinking to myself WOO PEPTIDES!  but one thing though, what the hell is partial hydrolysis?! and suponification?! ehh that really threw me off i was thinking soap-making process... maybe? ummm maybe? concave lenses and partial pressure, ideal gas and henry's law... yeah i need to brush on my knowledge :/ the stuff i got asked were not anywhere in my comfort zone. i mean common wheres all the physio-related stuff? oh and the heart questions kicked my ass. i used common sense but wtf.. doing physiology at uni did not really help ¬¬

kudos for making my day insanely intimidating. i'm still having the interview in my head way after what happened. i'm just glad i'm still... alive. this has to be one of the hardest things i've done this year.. i just hope they didn't torture me... just to reject me :(

one offer, two offers, three... oh shi~

what to do?

today i got a reply from the physio guys about the paperwork.. but i also happen to be selected for assessment as a hca in another department. problem now is... i really wanted that hca role, but the physio role is actually quite rare. i'm stuck, i don't know whether to say yes to physio or apply for hca and hope for the best x.x

either way it would look bad... considering both roles are within the same damn hospital ahh!!

so much so much to do, it seems that all my hard work is finally catching up to me, in an invasion of all free time kind of way too.. i'm no where near the right state of settlement to begin to organise my time.

will need to think more about this in the morning :L for now, its bed tym..zZ

embarrassing phone skills =_=

The best is yet to come

ok i must have done something right... today i received a phone call from the weird interview people asking me to come for a panel interview!!!! w00p w00p! regardless of how democratic that weird interview was, all i can say is alhamdu'allah. my efforts are finally paying off, at least i hope they are.
funny how i received that phone call i was in the toilet (oh yes), and my sis ran downstairs with my phone by the time she gave me the phone i tried to answer it quickly but ofcourse the ring tone was gone off for too long and i thought i missed the call. i rawr loudly in frustration at my phone as i glanced at the ticking timer indicating that the call was connected, and i hear a lady voice on the other side freaked out by my outraged rawr LOL she said 'uhm... hello?' and omg i laughed hysterically apologising as she spoke LOOOOOL oh dear lovely phone skills dania. LOOOL good thing she didn't change her mind about inviting me back for an interview hahahaa!

another time i did something like that was when i over-slept back in nottingham. i was supposed to be up at 5am but instead i got woken up by an unfortunate team leader who rang me in my sleep. apparently i screamed at her down the phone mumbling gibberish and leaving her on the line just hanging there... (i don't have any memory of actually screaming or answering the phone LOL) she couldn't stop laughing at me as i arrived late to work. she claimed she heard me rumble around the bed and adjusting my covers LOOOL

that too is true.. careful now

like with everything i do, it seems like the bad drags me down all the way through life and i only get to see glimmers of hope here and there. so i'm really skeptical of it all - happiness never lasts, to make something last you have to keep hammering that nail till it breaks.. or completely disappears. so yeah i shouldn't celebrate just yet. theres a life force of competition out there with so many people wanting what i want. even when theres a slight chance of being unique reality slaps your face back to earth. at least thats the case with me. never ever take happiness as a good thing. theres always a catch. theres always underlying decisions that will concur the outcome of your actions. it doesn't hurt to take an overall look at the situation and choose the most logical and sensible choice. though thats kinda looking a lil far so for now enjoy the feeling of interviews and prepare for the worst as it is yet to come, oh and yes it will most definitely come when you least expect it. life sucks like that. good feeling's gone. gg dania for getting on the gloom glooms and frowns out to good news.
on other news my back hurts. i accidentally did exercise today (yay?) and i think i might have over-done it..... no, actually i didn't... its just me - i'm so out of shape. i looked at myself today in the changing rooms and just thought to myself: yuck! time for a change.

baby steps

when did democracy start to dominate who gets the job? i went to the weirdest job interview today. heck - i didn't even know how they got my information or what job i've applied for... meh. turns out i was the only one there that didn't know how on earth did this care home select me. nevertheless.. i persevered.  

it was a group interview and uhh we were only asked 2 questions ¬_¬

1. introduce yourself
2. pick whoever you thought most deserved the job. you can't write your name down.

FFFFUUUUUU!!!!!

so i took the train, walked along an excessively long motorway road in smart clothes to this place and this is all i get? agh! after this weird place i went back to town to try to find recharge. where the hell is recharge? i see it every time i'm in town but today, when i really really needed to go see FJ its gone. the place just vanishes! really felt retarded, especially after asking people around who were also incredibly unhelpful. i must have looked like a wierdo stalking the church windows. darn it google maps. oh and another funny moment with my adviser - i didn't know where town hall was. he called me and was like uhm.. don't you live here? LOL FML.

I went crazy on jewellery today, i bought some really sweet necklaces from accessorize and clairs'. i'm always looking out for those clean, minimalistic yet detailed kind of jewellery and today i was in the mood for turquoise & silver.

when i got home i was exhausted. i haven't walked this much in a long time so today felt like running a marathon. i had a lovely surprise when i opened my email to find ANOTHER interview! yes yes yes!! 8 page application form paid off. i'm so happy that finally i got an interview through my application form. alhamdu'allah wa shukruh!!!! woo ~ yaaay :D

yessssssss!

just like a heart beat the drum beat carries on

nickleback - when we stand together

Hope you've had a good new year i bought nothing. literally nothing for the past month! salmon for christmas in the renovated oven was a disaster. despite cranking up the heat to full power the oven failed to provide sufficient heat to cook the salmon, therefore christmas lunch became christmas dinner. instead of taking 20 mins to cook, the salmon took 3h30mins to cook! stupid oven! we need a new kitchen :(
i've been selling junk on ebay to try to get some cash back to go for a new oven... it really sucks not having a job. speaking of which i've been applying like crazy, i have an interview (out of the blue) tomorrow but honestly i don't know what they expect of me... or what job have they decided to select me for. gg for sending me an email with just an address and a time, on short notice. wonderful stuff. well i'm desperate so i'm good with whatever stumps and trips up my doorway. if they need a person with a car i am going to rage kill then go shopping.
volunteering hasn't been as fun as i had hoped, i seem to distance myself and that cannot happen! it means i'm spending too much time by myself on a computer, becoming more antisocial? no way not this time round i want a good reference and i have to pull myself out! tomorrow i'm going to job hunt in person, pulling off my charms and making the local employers hire me. fun time :3

on saturday i ended up walking all the way back home from north maidenhead - which meant 1h30mins of walking.. not fun for my feet as both my soles (pad of foot and heel) were incredibly sore and painful when i came home - though, i enjoyed the exercise.. and it gave me time to think.
theres so much to do and with so much responsibility weighing over my head theres no time to make mistakes. i have to keep up my biotechnology knowledge, keep refreshing my memory while also doing this work experience, interviews, volunteer work and the dreaded application forms. not only this, i also have to sort out the house - thats actually an under-statement i need to raid the whole house and somehow make it live-able. its depressingly filled with clutter and well, i don't complain out loud and that drives mum crazy. she wants me to be more open about my concerns but what? who me? open? you're joking right?! such qualities are for the fool and the weak-hearted.

its me against the world

Rage Quit

So after much thinking i've opened a private blog, i'm getting sick of typing out drafts that won't get published, so whats more awesome than making a brand new spankin blog with awesome privacy to help me destress.. no? still guys i will not reinstall black ops quit askin!

darn all the frustration - black ops uninstalled!

I UNINSTALLED BLACK OPS LAST NIGHT HA HA HA
i woke up today bright and early for a change! woo~ problem is, i got downstairs to have my breakfast thinking about how i'm going to make today so productive! i'm going to read so many chapters yeaah - and i get confronted by mum, who had her own list of things to do for me

whole day ruined. instead of doing what i wanted to do, i ended up doing ebay. i ended up going through all lil sis' junk, photographing each piece, uploading it online, writing a description about it, posting it on ebay. aa;hsdfgh sdhi;hd;sgh;ghdgh ;ghd boring repetitive work SERIOUSLY?! i'm not happy with myself.
on another note, i'm thinking about vlogging instead of writing all these blog posts - opinions?
serious time now, ebay is done, now to open those books and start scribbling about lovely biology <3

faxing abroad

the first rule about faxing on the internet is to make sure that the number you're faxing has to be 10 digits.
problems usually occur when you're trying to fax abroad. what do you do when you have a 13 digit fax number? google ofcourse! sadly google along with wiki failed in this section. there are no free internet faxing facilities for faxing a document abroad. the cheapest i found was with faxsero.com, which came to a total sum of £3.76 or something like that.. it gave me the opportunity to fax either locally, or detecting that the number is too large and so i had to select - faxing internationally. another issue to look out for is the time you send the fax. its preferrable to send the fax during office hours - the earlier you send the fax, the more likely you are to successfully connect. this was the issue i was faced with today - since the office hours end at 2pm in europe it had meant that i had to ensure that i sent my fax before their lunch..... which is my intention tomorrow. i'll have to wake up extra early to ensure the fax is sent successfully? doesn't it make it more convenient for the rest of the world to be able to send out queries whenever at your own convenience? common.. no email address? i'm not impressed :/

dream catchers can't catch every bad dream. true story.

lets talk bad dreams. ever had a dream that felt so real you woke up paranoid? confused? wanting to pee really really badly? 3 instances spring to mind lol. one time i dreamt that uhh.... this rooster-human hybrid clan were like the protectors of the earth. for some reason i got caught up in their little turmoil and they had offered me to drink this thing - which looked like was made in a lab... and to join them.. basically.
me, protector of all simply jumped to the idea not considering whether there were other hybrids out there. more powerful/wise and so on. all i wanted to do was help this clan. when i woke up i just thought to myself wtf?! a chicken-hybrid?! stupid birds can't even fly! i remembered that those hybrids were like the chinese calendar animals and were all at conflict and there was me.. choosing a rooster over dragons.. aghh.. dania you should have asked for dragons! you can't help everyone! dammit!
another dream i had was that i was in a hospital or something - its really old, like a hospice or something and i was in training there. i didn't know my way and i was just following instructions by the supervisor i was aiding. so it was getting to the end of the day, and she told me to help her to lock up - of course the windows were open so my instinct told me to close the windows. i did 3 windows just fine, but omg.. the fourth window.. as i approached to close it, i was frozen, literally petrified! i couldn't move anything but my eye lids. i was slowly elevated and remained in mid air helpless. i didn't know whether to be scared, acknowledge that its a dream and turn into a super saiyan and break free or to scream. everything just seemed at a standstill and all i could see was an open field outside this window. gosh i hated myself for being so helpless.. surely closing windows won't spark the supernatural and make them angry? meh.. when i woke up my heart was racing! i couldn't go back to sleep - horrible dream was horrible!
another bad experience was in homebase (gardening and home superstore). there was this green-like goblin following me around. everytime i looked around it had its gaze focused on me and after a few turns, explosives were getting thrown everywhere and the building began to collapse. i ducked for cover behind some isles and decided it was best to head to the out doors since you can get fresh air there. as i crept outside there was this maze... similar to the maze in final fantasy x where you had to solve before meeting yunalesca o_o

but of course.. i couldn't just go through with it so at that point i climbed the fence and headed towards the car park. the store literally was in ruins now, and that green dude was hot on my tail. i get in the car and boom. yeah..sucks. that boom was so loud though i woke up from hearing it.

why on earth am i talking about this? i'm feeling a little grisly after killing one of those big jumpy spiders. u.u;

leftovers and a change of heart

frikin donuts...

today's work was annoyingly stressful and chaotic. the MAC man came in (he checks all 'tagged' products listed as high priority in the store and then anything that isn't available will go permanently on the store's performance report). just my luck, today the only items that weren't produced (at the time of his jolly and completely unexpected assessment) were the frikin donuts that i had in the oven. because they weren't on the shop floor ready for customers, i got scrutinized by the lovely regional manager. ahh when i heard that my performance was 'unacceptable' the first thing that popped into my head... well you could perhaps understand how i felt considering the fact that i've never met this manager, and somehow rudeness oozed out of their email. i asked my  team leader that perhaps i should apologize? write an email reply, to explain what had happened? i don't know.. i took it personally considering the fact that i'm always aiming for the best, working swiftly, and delivering great sales each weekend. everyone seems satisfied, even the staff that cover the shift the following day, or visit the bakery while i'm in, or after i had left... i make sure everyone is happy with my performance. i communicate and make sure everyone is fully aware of my objectives - that's how i roll. it felt natural that i should reply back, but obviously that could look bad on my team leader, and so i just went on with my day. it was so annoying though, the moment that you start your shift, a slap from a stranger comes your way, and ruins the rest of the afternoon. what would drive someone to such capacity to hate on another, when they have never even seen or spoke, or had the pleasure to meet you?

the only sound explanation is: its easier to hurt someone when they are not in the same room.

this is applicable to emails. its easier to make judgments, flame and backbite when you have no idea who you're referring to. perhaps it would have been better if my team leader not showed me the email, maybe i wouldn't have taken this manager's choice of words so seriously. what gives this manager the right to hurt another? what gives this manager the right to ruin someone else's day? i guess some people just never learn to empathize or have the etiquette to respond in a civilized manner. :(
it was fairly clear today that most people knew i was leaving soon, and so questions about my studies, future and so on pooled on me the entire time. considering that i have no plans, or more like, my plans were ruined.. i couldn't face up and tell people about how much i'm regretting every moment because of my disappointing results. it took every strength in my face muscles to keep the tears away. how can i be reduced to this? astaghfur allah alatheem...
i got home, and i switched on the music so loud, i could hear it all the way in the kitchen lounge, i screamed, i sang, and danced off this horrible day. then i realised, its not over. it can't be over. i reflected on some stories of other students who had a similar disappointing experience with their results, and a glimmer of hope came back. if these people could do it, why can't i? i'm so much better, i've got the interest, the talent, and i've never been so sure in my life about something other than this. i have to do it. i have to get it. now that i finally know that i passionately care about this, i have to do it. i can't just put my plans on hold because of my frikin grades, i have to do it.

self-proclaimed injuries & nike trainers reviews

few weeks back i asked a question over at yahoo answers:

I dropped hot water on my hand now i can't play zombies! HELP?

as stupid as that sounds i got replies to my question haha check them out >> here <<

yesterday i spoke about going to town walking right? well things didn't turn out as quite as i had planned. i did indeed reach town centre by walking, however not only was it raining all the way, but i also developed fat-ass blisters from my River Island boots :( so theres me in town limping around for like 10 minutes then i took the bus back home to change my shoes and attend to those blisters with sticky blister plasters to numb the pain. fortunately, my mum few weeks back got me some really comfy sandals from Turkey which came very useful regarding these blister. despite having my feet exposed to the roads and whatever bare feet get up to down there, i managed to explore town the whole day, and also try some nike trainers! so heres my verdict on those:

Nike Air Max 2011

these trainers above were extremely stiff, i am a size 6 and so i tried a pair in my size and my heel was constantly being pushed up and down the shoe as i walked despite these shoes being comfortable, the rigidity of the sole, or under-layer in addition to how tightly fit they were makes these trainers a big no no for purchasing. i score these 3/10 because i really was not impressed with the trainers in terms of both value for money, and usability. they were very pretty though, very very pretty...

Nike training range: poor sole at the bottom, they were extremely flat, and to some extent, very easy to slip in if its raining. it has virtually no grip at all, and therefore despite the attractive trainer design, they cannot be used for any other purposes.

Nike Air Max Tailwind+ 3

these were far more comfortable, in fact they had a spongy feel to it. the shoe itself didn't feel high quality, and it felt like my foot sunk into it despite being light weight and so this makes them unideal for running. i wouldn't recommend these trainers - they may look nice in the picture, but they were very chunky and unattractive when worn... manybe its because they're supposed to be for men? LOL meh. score: 5/10

Nike Air Free Running - they looked very promising however, they only had them in men sizes 8+ so i cannot really be sure how good they are as there weren't any female versions sadly...

sports soccer was pretty much the only shop in town which sold a wide range of male and female nike trainers, however they were limited in sizes, and range. their staff were also very unfriendly, unapproachable and quite honestly i just wanted to get out of that shop asap it wasn't good >.<

to add to my injury list, i also burned myself at work on my left arm, now i'll look emo with emo scars from the emo bakery oven. i'm emo like that.

Presentation

so my presentation in my eyes went better than i had anticipated. i didn't stutter, remained focused and pronounced everything properly - yeah i had a feeling those scientific words would bring me shame but thankfully that didn't happen. so as i was presenting and looking around the room i see frowns, frustrated expressions, confused, and maybe even day dreamers... and there i was just thinking wtf... my presentation was the most exciting one out of the lot! who the hell cares about questioning the public about animal cruelty? who the hell cares about boring and insanely depriving bioinformatics methods?! my mitochondria was way more interesting, especially with inception and super-sized mitochondria destroying buildings references. mine was awesome and people.. ehh especially the supervisors - IT WASN'T BORING, WHAT THE HELL?!

Art by chicken-eggtimer

so i finish and all, and oh my gosh, the supervisors go berserk on me, quizzing me on my presentation and among other mitochondria knowledge like hungry wolves! one of the girls at the end even apologised on behalf of her supervisor for tormenting me on the spot. other people got like 2 maybe 3 questions, and me.. i think it almost reached double digits but i was prepared.. after all, i've been doing this blasted dissertation for a whole year and spent my summer last year soaking up knowledge about diseases associated with mitochondria, so hell yeah i was answering every question i was asked, and was capable of handling more if those noobs thought that i wasn't prepared they were in for a showdown. they wanted to grill me on the spot, well they're gonna need a lot more wood to burn this baby.

overall it was an experience that i put a lot of effort into, gosh i think even the people in the next room could hear me rawr the information like splat after splat! thats probably the only bad thing, i started out being loud, and just continued that tone throughout... though it kinda helped, i was able to clear my mind and concentrate on what i was saying so everything was logical, everything made sense - my my i hope it did for others...
no way i would get any complements for there is none to get especially from ticked off supervisors. i don't blame them though, i had one hell of a bad year this year, and it just isn't going to get better for me. not now, not in the future and i fear for the grades that i'm going to receive next week. remember me in your prayer, and wish me luck, for i will desperately need it.

give me back what i deserve

story of my life. fails. it seems like all thats been happening this year has been fails. one after another like theres this thing on my back making sure that i fail at everything, miss every chance i get and simply cast a dark cloud over my head. i'm not paranoid but i can't help but think that there is something out there that is purposely doing all this! i'm not just talking about university. i'm talking about friends, sickness flooding home, the bitchy housemates i ended up with, the things that happen at work, and the depressing deadlines at university, the 'slowga' casted on me and the recent exam fails. i'm lucky that i'm even still alive and to be honest the only thing that has kept me going is myself. without this tough shell i put on every day every hour every second, i'd break down and cry. i have so many regrets, so many things i wish i could have done differently, so many things i aspire to do but knowing i'll never ever be the person that i'd like to be someday. its terrible. it didn't start with rejections, it didn't begin with a mistake. i used to think i'm special and now i'm starting to realise how specially unfortunate i am to even exist. this year has not been easy. if this year was a test, surely i have failed miserably and i fear for whats yet to come... its unbearable that i am the way that i am, and i try to be different, i put the effort but somehow its always either too late, or never enough. i'll never be good enough, i'll never have the life that i want. i'll always struggle and this year is far from over i still have graduation... if there is going to be a graduation. by the looks of things, i shouldn't have any high hopes, for there is none. life will always crash down on me and leave me picking up whats left of a broken image, an image of the person i want to be, of the person that i used to be, of the person that i could never be.

Silence before the storm

I really miss playing final fantasy x! dunno about you guys but it seems like the more that i try to force myself to read/do my dissertation the harder it gets to concentrate and actually do my work :/ how do you do it? how do others do it? i really need to switch on my robot mode and do the work aghh its driving me crazy!! i'm 22 years old, i should know how to force myself to finish my work and do this properly by now >.< why am i always putting things off!?


this year has been so crap i really really really want to turn things around but theres simply no time.. i'll just have to do with what i've got.. (emo alert - read further at your own risk, i'm just frustrated and need to put thoughts to paper... or blog or whatever..)
next year i just want to chill, do photography, fix up the house that dad has been 'fixing' for the past 5 years and just not getting it done, write my blog, lose weight and travel. i don't want any sainsburys... i don't want anything annoying i just want one year where i can just reflect on things, learn more about web design, and try to figure out what to do next. i don't want any deadlines, any assignments, and certainly no more exams :( though.. at the same time i want my own place... i want to believe in myself again, i want to become more religious.. aghh maybe its the people i hang around with, maybe its the attachments i've formed, they are all full of disappointments, regret and just envy. gosh i hate even saying that word! i want to get an xbox, i want to catch up on all the games i've missed, i want to be independent. i cant do that until i get a proper research job and that needs more studying aghh i hate how everything comes at a price the tuition fees are rising in cost, working while studying has just made things worse i'm so depressed. i just want this phase of my life to be over its just a big strangle right now and i need my life to shape up - i need to know where i'm heading and everything i've done has all been full of regrets and despise for myself for not fulfilling my targets and actually improving. sucks to be me :(

wait... what? wake up dindin!

don't ya just hate it when you wake up and you're still in your dream? its like when i was in jordan i dreamt...
that mum told me to hand her the comb while i was in bed, so i stretch over to grab my bag and pull out the comb, open my eyes, and its literally pitch black night time! everyone was snoring in the rooms next door and theres me thinking wtf?
well i had one of those moments this morning, i woke up and before i opened my eyes i was calculating how many days i have left to hand in my dissertation, and there i was in the future thinking that today is the 2nd of may, and i only had 3 days left. i got up this morning like a crazy person as if i just got zapped out of my bed. its only when i saw my sister that sanity returned. T__T
i think my brain is secretly freaking out at the amount of time left i have before handing in my dissertation... i mean i'm getting really worried about the shortness of it! and the opinions my dissertation tutor might conjure up and mark me down ~ DAMMIT i need to do my dissertation. ok. bye. x.x