blown away

does dementia mean the end?

conversations stirred from talking about interviews to talking about experiences in care. today i found myself looking back at what i've learned and comparing it to what a lady at work had previously experienced. nothing can really prepare you for what you'll have to do when you care for someone with a mental disorder. their thoughts and perception is so.. completely unpredictable as any sane person locked away, and yearning to get out. i wouldn't want to be in this position which lead me down a path of thinking about what i would do if i was ever diagnosed with dementia, how would i react? would i want someone to really look after me? knowing that i could be a threat as well as a burden both to myself, my family and friends?

the obvious answer is no - i would look through research, discoveries and the preventative measures currently available and assess whether its worth staying 'alive'. in other words, i would rather end my life than live as a burden on somebody else. i would gladly take my life because thats the logical answer.

pain on the family might be temporary or long term, but with love all around it would only bring people even closer together, and soon they would heal, together. my life is insignificant. its probably why i take so many risks.. not that i am some sort of person running around with a death wish, but i do it for myself. life is too short, its worth living it if you try.

'caring' is not a personality, its a quality earned through experience - i might not show that i care, but in all honesty, i am doing everyone a favour by showing how i care in other ways to whats normally considered... traditional. caring is over-rated anyways.