One fine day (in bed)

is that porn i see behind your pillow mr?

no fun staying at home, i thought my flu would be all better today, instead i woke up to a cough spasm - i kept coughing and nothing came out! common! all the coughing took all the energy out of me and so for the rest of the day i've had to call in sick.. no fun times at the nursing home this weekend :( it used to be one of my highlights, to see the residents, and well... something always crops up keeping me motivated & engaged. last week i was at the top of my game, i put my organisation skills into good use, and so everyone was really enjoying their shift. i got to see one of the residents do some amazing walking skills.. i mean 2 residents: one who wasn't supposed to walk but managed to find their way & walk to the dinning area while the other had helped themselves to the toilet (with somewhat success.....) and even put themselves to bed. it amused me what some people get up to, its all lulz in elderly care. i couldn't stop smiling, bless the elderly nation! i love their keen determination and 'can do' attitude.

no fun for me this weekend sadly, i uninstalled homeworld cataclysm, its just unnecessary stress to my tired and very sick self at the moment. i looked at some of my art stored on the computer.. i'm so good at it but its really no longer what i want to do. though, it got me thinking.. its always me designing for others, its always me doodling for other people and i've never ever had anyone do any art for me. its really remarkable isn't it? bubble burst - i think i intimidate people -in terms of my art skills and expectations at least. no one dares to approach me with a gift of their art work.. bleh dunno if thats a good thing or a bad thing? mixture of both perhaps? i dunno.. the only thing i could find was this:

 and 
(which i had to colour... lol)

not feelin the love hahah oh well.. what can ya do eh? i'm hard to impress xD

blown away

does dementia mean the end?

conversations stirred from talking about interviews to talking about experiences in care. today i found myself looking back at what i've learned and comparing it to what a lady at work had previously experienced. nothing can really prepare you for what you'll have to do when you care for someone with a mental disorder. their thoughts and perception is so.. completely unpredictable as any sane person locked away, and yearning to get out. i wouldn't want to be in this position which lead me down a path of thinking about what i would do if i was ever diagnosed with dementia, how would i react? would i want someone to really look after me? knowing that i could be a threat as well as a burden both to myself, my family and friends?

the obvious answer is no - i would look through research, discoveries and the preventative measures currently available and assess whether its worth staying 'alive'. in other words, i would rather end my life than live as a burden on somebody else. i would gladly take my life because thats the logical answer.

pain on the family might be temporary or long term, but with love all around it would only bring people even closer together, and soon they would heal, together. my life is insignificant. its probably why i take so many risks.. not that i am some sort of person running around with a death wish, but i do it for myself. life is too short, its worth living it if you try.

'caring' is not a personality, its a quality earned through experience - i might not show that i care, but in all honesty, i am doing everyone a favour by showing how i care in other ways to whats normally considered... traditional. caring is over-rated anyways.