Silence before the storm

I really miss playing final fantasy x! dunno about you guys but it seems like the more that i try to force myself to read/do my dissertation the harder it gets to concentrate and actually do my work :/ how do you do it? how do others do it? i really need to switch on my robot mode and do the work aghh its driving me crazy!! i'm 22 years old, i should know how to force myself to finish my work and do this properly by now >.< why am i always putting things off!?


this year has been so crap i really really really want to turn things around but theres simply no time.. i'll just have to do with what i've got.. (emo alert - read further at your own risk, i'm just frustrated and need to put thoughts to paper... or blog or whatever..)
next year i just want to chill, do photography, fix up the house that dad has been 'fixing' for the past 5 years and just not getting it done, write my blog, lose weight and travel. i don't want any sainsburys... i don't want anything annoying i just want one year where i can just reflect on things, learn more about web design, and try to figure out what to do next. i don't want any deadlines, any assignments, and certainly no more exams :( though.. at the same time i want my own place... i want to believe in myself again, i want to become more religious.. aghh maybe its the people i hang around with, maybe its the attachments i've formed, they are all full of disappointments, regret and just envy. gosh i hate even saying that word! i want to get an xbox, i want to catch up on all the games i've missed, i want to be independent. i cant do that until i get a proper research job and that needs more studying aghh i hate how everything comes at a price the tuition fees are rising in cost, working while studying has just made things worse i'm so depressed. i just want this phase of my life to be over its just a big strangle right now and i need my life to shape up - i need to know where i'm heading and everything i've done has all been full of regrets and despise for myself for not fulfilling my targets and actually improving. sucks to be me :(