Care giving lulz

sounds like me talking at interviews LMAOOOO. ah i wish i could just go in one day to an interview and just base all my 'experiences' on my prestige and ranking on call of duty LOL someday.. someday i will. 

/facedesk patience

when the wheel reverses & time stands still

today i took the time to read what others in my position have done, what they did to fuel the activation energy to find their new stable force.. or work (kinetics reference). i've got such a long way to go :(
these people, they're like saints or something how on earth could anyone reach that level of awesomeness? it just makes me want to work harder just so i could fit in. its so weird, i don't know where i got this idea from, but honestly i've never felt so strongly about anything before. this is definitely what i want to do but it comes at such a harsh price, i have to find my way soon, real soon...
disclaimer: no i'm not talking about zombie slaying, anything related to terrorism or on tv! jeez louise!

i fixed my computer a while back and i never even bothered to upload this agh! here it is then:

so tired - must sleep - nites.

dream catchers can't catch every bad dream. true story.

lets talk bad dreams. ever had a dream that felt so real you woke up paranoid? confused? wanting to pee really really badly? 3 instances spring to mind lol. one time i dreamt that uhh.... this rooster-human hybrid clan were like the protectors of the earth. for some reason i got caught up in their little turmoil and they had offered me to drink this thing - which looked like was made in a lab... and to join them.. basically.
me, protector of all simply jumped to the idea not considering whether there were other hybrids out there. more powerful/wise and so on. all i wanted to do was help this clan. when i woke up i just thought to myself wtf?! a chicken-hybrid?! stupid birds can't even fly! i remembered that those hybrids were like the chinese calendar animals and were all at conflict and there was me.. choosing a rooster over dragons.. aghh.. dania you should have asked for dragons! you can't help everyone! dammit!
another dream i had was that i was in a hospital or something - its really old, like a hospice or something and i was in training there. i didn't know my way and i was just following instructions by the supervisor i was aiding. so it was getting to the end of the day, and she told me to help her to lock up - of course the windows were open so my instinct told me to close the windows. i did 3 windows just fine, but omg.. the fourth window.. as i approached to close it, i was frozen, literally petrified! i couldn't move anything but my eye lids. i was slowly elevated and remained in mid air helpless. i didn't know whether to be scared, acknowledge that its a dream and turn into a super saiyan and break free or to scream. everything just seemed at a standstill and all i could see was an open field outside this window. gosh i hated myself for being so helpless.. surely closing windows won't spark the supernatural and make them angry? meh.. when i woke up my heart was racing! i couldn't go back to sleep - horrible dream was horrible!
another bad experience was in homebase (gardening and home superstore). there was this green-like goblin following me around. everytime i looked around it had its gaze focused on me and after a few turns, explosives were getting thrown everywhere and the building began to collapse. i ducked for cover behind some isles and decided it was best to head to the out doors since you can get fresh air there. as i crept outside there was this maze... similar to the maze in final fantasy x where you had to solve before meeting yunalesca o_o

but of course.. i couldn't just go through with it so at that point i climbed the fence and headed towards the car park. the store literally was in ruins now, and that green dude was hot on my tail. i get in the car and boom. yeah..sucks. that boom was so loud though i woke up from hearing it.

why on earth am i talking about this? i'm feeling a little grisly after killing one of those big jumpy spiders. u.u;

Montemartre, Paris

Feeding pigeons at Montemartre, Paris

this was most likely one of the highlights of the trip - so as i whipped out my crêpes au sucre and fed a little to the pigeon, soon there was an invasion of pigeons swarming across the floor, following me and yasmin as we donated our food to them lol it was fun - heres a clip of it when my lil sis started feeding the pigeons, enjoy :3

Silence before the storm

I really miss playing final fantasy x! dunno about you guys but it seems like the more that i try to force myself to read/do my dissertation the harder it gets to concentrate and actually do my work :/ how do you do it? how do others do it? i really need to switch on my robot mode and do the work aghh its driving me crazy!! i'm 22 years old, i should know how to force myself to finish my work and do this properly by now >.< why am i always putting things off!?


this year has been so crap i really really really want to turn things around but theres simply no time.. i'll just have to do with what i've got.. (emo alert - read further at your own risk, i'm just frustrated and need to put thoughts to paper... or blog or whatever..)
next year i just want to chill, do photography, fix up the house that dad has been 'fixing' for the past 5 years and just not getting it done, write my blog, lose weight and travel. i don't want any sainsburys... i don't want anything annoying i just want one year where i can just reflect on things, learn more about web design, and try to figure out what to do next. i don't want any deadlines, any assignments, and certainly no more exams :( though.. at the same time i want my own place... i want to believe in myself again, i want to become more religious.. aghh maybe its the people i hang around with, maybe its the attachments i've formed, they are all full of disappointments, regret and just envy. gosh i hate even saying that word! i want to get an xbox, i want to catch up on all the games i've missed, i want to be independent. i cant do that until i get a proper research job and that needs more studying aghh i hate how everything comes at a price the tuition fees are rising in cost, working while studying has just made things worse i'm so depressed. i just want this phase of my life to be over its just a big strangle right now and i need my life to shape up - i need to know where i'm heading and everything i've done has all been full of regrets and despise for myself for not fulfilling my targets and actually improving. sucks to be me :(

nostalgic for gaming..

is it just me or does that game look really really worth downloading? also, i love this song - its been playing in my head non stop all day today (though shame about the lyrics...) i've got to resist playing anything till exams are all done - aghh and the dissertation... .__.

this, among portal 2 and black ops are on my list of things i have to play when exams finish. when i do come back home, hopefully i'll also be able to properly play crysis 2 and assassins creed brotherhood.. its so annoying that the university network at nottingham blocks all ports, which sadly includes multiplayer gaming. i'll post up the dumb reply i got from their student services sometime in the future... along with the random warning i received at the start of the year hehehe makes me sound like a badass rebelling and all xD

black ops last scene - testing out graphics

today i got my lovely new graphic cards in the post! took me 2 hours to get my computer up and running in sli but considering that this was a complete trial and error i feel like i have accomplished so much! so well done me heh video trial of the new graphics down below!

testing out the new rig :3

Upgrading graphic cards to SLI Gainward 460gtx 1gb

ok so this is what happened to me few days ago:

the following is an example of the graphics i previously had with nvidia 8800gt (evga)