dream catchers can't catch every bad dream. true story.

lets talk bad dreams. ever had a dream that felt so real you woke up paranoid? confused? wanting to pee really really badly? 3 instances spring to mind lol. one time i dreamt that uhh.... this rooster-human hybrid clan were like the protectors of the earth. for some reason i got caught up in their little turmoil and they had offered me to drink this thing - which looked like was made in a lab... and to join them.. basically.
me, protector of all simply jumped to the idea not considering whether there were other hybrids out there. more powerful/wise and so on. all i wanted to do was help this clan. when i woke up i just thought to myself wtf?! a chicken-hybrid?! stupid birds can't even fly! i remembered that those hybrids were like the chinese calendar animals and were all at conflict and there was me.. choosing a rooster over dragons.. aghh.. dania you should have asked for dragons! you can't help everyone! dammit!
another dream i had was that i was in a hospital or something - its really old, like a hospice or something and i was in training there. i didn't know my way and i was just following instructions by the supervisor i was aiding. so it was getting to the end of the day, and she told me to help her to lock up - of course the windows were open so my instinct told me to close the windows. i did 3 windows just fine, but omg.. the fourth window.. as i approached to close it, i was frozen, literally petrified! i couldn't move anything but my eye lids. i was slowly elevated and remained in mid air helpless. i didn't know whether to be scared, acknowledge that its a dream and turn into a super saiyan and break free or to scream. everything just seemed at a standstill and all i could see was an open field outside this window. gosh i hated myself for being so helpless.. surely closing windows won't spark the supernatural and make them angry? meh.. when i woke up my heart was racing! i couldn't go back to sleep - horrible dream was horrible!
another bad experience was in homebase (gardening and home superstore). there was this green-like goblin following me around. everytime i looked around it had its gaze focused on me and after a few turns, explosives were getting thrown everywhere and the building began to collapse. i ducked for cover behind some isles and decided it was best to head to the out doors since you can get fresh air there. as i crept outside there was this maze... similar to the maze in final fantasy x where you had to solve before meeting yunalesca o_o

but of course.. i couldn't just go through with it so at that point i climbed the fence and headed towards the car park. the store literally was in ruins now, and that green dude was hot on my tail. i get in the car and boom. yeah..sucks. that boom was so loud though i woke up from hearing it.

why on earth am i talking about this? i'm feeling a little grisly after killing one of those big jumpy spiders. u.u;

taking back sunday

seems like all the people around me are depressed. here was me on my free day, i love spending those extra moments in bed stretching before waking up - that was abruptly interrupted by a lot of screaming, shouting, and the reminder of reality: i'm still living with my parents.

after a day of preventing any form of arguments (and failing most of the time.. aghh), rearranging furniture and scrubbing the kitchen sink/work space areas i really need a good game of zombies on black ops! it seems that i always end up with foreign/noobs that don't know how to communicate and survive above level 15. kitchen scrubbing wasn't as bad as i had anticipated. mum had asked me to wash the dishes.. but oh my oh my.. the amount of filth i saw really made me cringe i had to scrub it clean :/ sometimes you have to do what it takes to cheer someone up - i hope that i cheered mum because cleaning the crap out of the kitchen isn't one of my usual chores. in fact since i don't cook, i don't usually linger around the kitchen. its mum's special place and it never feels right invading it in any form o.o since i was scrubbing the skink i thought i might as well concentrate on the area where the washing up is placed, and food is cooked... meh.. 2 hours and 30 mins scrubbing... u.u; .. i'm not complaining; i'm just tired. i can't feel my fingers. i hope mum feels better tomorrow.. i really hope. insha'allah.

whats the point?

whats the deal with muslims celebrating eid on different days? the majority of people celebrated it on tuesday while some mosques decided that oooh no we can't see the moon, the mosque next door lies! ...meh. people begin to fast all on the same day, so why not agree to celebrate eid on the same day? weird world we live in...
it was back to work today for me, and it was so darn busy today.. i confronted... well.. talked to my manager today regarding a list of issues i had over the past week, which was great and all except it seemed like he wasn't really listening and i fear for the worst. as usual, only the crap seems to find its way for me, and nothing good ever seems to come out at all.
i'm finding it really difficult to be at peace when i'm alone. all my regrets, how my hopes and aspirations all seem so far away and i can never ever reach absolution because of so many obstacles in my way aghh. example? the muslim family who were renting our second property, who lived on the council and claimed all sorts of benefits and did not pay rent till the end of every single month (or till dad started tearing his hair) decided to leave the country, unexpectedly. after getting their british citizenship, and claiming all the money from the council, they left for dubai! they not only paid july's rent on the 10th of august, but also didn't pay the 21 days of rent that they lived in during ramadhan! the family were supposedly poor and so were living on the council! they left the house in such a state.. i really cannot wish them anything but curses. they lived in the property for 6 whole years and to be honest.. despite leaving unexpectedly.. i'm also kinda relieved that they're gone. a muslim would never do such a thing. mum said that the money that they took would count as zakat because it most certainly did not come out of their pockets, and the sole purpose of the benefits was to pay for the rent, which wasn't paid so yeah... what can you do? i say let god treat them as they've treated us for on judgement day there will be no mercy for the kafir.
this little mishap ruined all our plans to renovate our 15 year old kitchen. now we'll have to clean up that house, find new tenants and watch our spending because without the money coming from the rent, we cannot afford to go anywhere or even pay for my brother's living expenses at uni. that house being rented was really the only relief we had for the mortgages, bills, etc. and so without it rented, its extremely difficult to do anything. astaghfur allah alatheem.

another example is booking a gp appointment. i needed a health check up to apply for volunteer work - now not only did the clinic not have my details, but i've had to register as a new patient. this meant that my details were to be transferred from nottingham's clinic to here, which is estimated to take as much as 4 weeks! in 4 weeks the flippin position would be filled! i've done a new patient check up but thats just a bs test done by a nurse, which is meaningless to the employers because special tests are needed. aghh! i called them up a week later and they still don't have my records. i'm really not impressed. i've told the employment lady about my situation and she cannot guarantee my place. sucks to be me right now. i can't even secure a volunteer role wtf.

i keep telling myself, that i'm fortunate to have a home, to have a loving family, to have food on the table, to have a job, to have the ability to walk, talk, hear, play, write, and so on but when i'm alone, i can't help getting upset, i really can't.

eid, day 2

whoever said chilling out by doing nothing deserves to be shot. so yesterday i did absolutely nothing - i mean i just slept, killed zombies and slept even more and now i feel so crap. a whole day wasted :L
i got so much to do today dammit heres a list so my head doesn't explode! >.<
wash, book gp appointment, hand holiday letter - get it SIGNED and authorised, get my prescribed antibiotics, sort room, hook up hdd to ssd, configure hdd, change bed covers, stick junk on ebay, take nutrition pills and destroy/replace junk food.... hoover the whole house, reinstall adobe software package, read journals, get some books from library, find a place for my man-made mountain of shoes/converse, rearrange the wardrobe (i currently have no idea where everything is...)
yeah i'll need to wake up early then, nite nites

Eid Mubarak

first of all, i just wanted to wish all my readers a lovely, peaceful and prosperous eid and a wonderful year to come. why haven't i posted in the past month? one word: busy. i've changed my contracted hours at work from a mere 16 hours on weekends, to a full time hard core 39 hours. the perks i get from this include being in the bakery, freedom to take my break when i need to, do an active job - challenging both my mind and (fingers crossed) shifting the body mass. speaking of which.. i can't believe i didn't lose any weight while fasting during ramadhan! perhaps it was related to the time i ate.. 3am seriously doesn't make you lose weight, especially when you break the fast about 8.30. there simply isn't any activity between these two times, and with work consuming the day, when i get home, all i want to do is hit the bed.

what i found impressive was that i could go on my day and still be active regardless of how hungry/thirsty i was. i was honestly expecting problems to occur, but alhamdu'allah i was fine throughout the month.

for my sister's birthday treat, the whole family went to bournemouth. yes! sandy beach ftw! but.... 2 weeks later, we find out that she caught chicken pox! this not only meant that she couldn't fast with me, but also that she had to deal with all the symptoms associated with the plague. 2 weeks later, brother comes home to help out clean the rented house, and on his second day, he develops chicken pox (his second time getting the disease). after wiki reading and research, we all know that pox affects adults more severely.. and this truly showed on his face, back and front. i just want him to get better, i've never seen him this ill all my life its really sad. when am i gonna get it? alhamdu'allah i didn't get the disease despite my frail immune system, at least i hope i don't get it in the coming weeks.. the incubation period varies from person to person so for all i know, it could be cooking right now as i blog (eek..)