Here it comes

down with the sickness, sniff cough sneeze all at the same time *multi-tasking*

my room should really get quarantined because my cold has turned into a deadly flu :( this week has been really crappy. flu = no work, so what do i do, waste my time on homeworld cataclysm damn i love old games like this! i'm too sick to play the piano and too tired to go out anywhere. is it just me or does flu medicine knock you out? it says non-drowsy but ... maybe its not working!!
updated design to blog, i've added a new header and tinkered with the background. i wanted to keep original template bg colour and just attach an image instead, i actually really like the old template - so for now the background image is just like a coating i suppose. minor changes.. i've yet to really edit the html script properly.. i just don't feel like it! takes time and high amounts of concentration to get it sorted.. bleh it 'looks' error-less so i won't complain.
bored now, i set a cataclysm game on hard and the cpu kicked my ass within 5 minutes flat. hyperspacing whores!!! my fleet stood no chance xD

phoned my boss today - my voice sounded so dead in the morning i barely had to say anything to convince him i'm sick to the bone - it hurts to laugh.. it really does. 

avengers

a low point at work is never a good thing. i found myself getting the glooms over the incompetence of others and then i thought to myself... why are you so bothered?! listed all the good things i've done and accomplished... i never thought i'd get through it... my desperation for a job? for the experience? for the sanity of my mind? i did the things i needed to do, and i should feel whole, accomplished and self-valued. what people do cannot influence my mood, my stress, my motivation. i'm my own determination, and the people around me are mere distractions! who cares if someone decided to change plans, evade their expectations, frustrate over work... for all that i am, i need to learn and listen, not be the centre of the universe. my time will come, patience, perseverance and offering assistance as need be is what i can only do right now.

all i can say is:

alhamdu'allah al'atheem

the long road

its so easy to say i'm going to do something. when you look back at all the things you promised yourself to do.. you really do get disappointed! its not so easy to do everything just as easy as it is to say you would do it.
this is called making empty promises - and it really doesn't help you in the long run. many people find that the lack of ability to carry out their tasks exerts stress and pressure on their lives. it would feel as though the whole world is against you, but in reality, setting out higher expectations doesn't really come without its side effects: stress, anxiety, procrastination..
what actually needs to happen is setting out goals that you could actually achieve. its the only way you'd be able to be satisfied with your abilities.. though don't mistaken this for repetitive tasks. set out a schedule to complete tasks over a period of time and stick to your schedule. by doing this you could take off the unnerving stress and pressure associated with completing a task in short notice. plan out your time and recognise that you have to be flexible. its not always easy starting something so give yourself time to adapt and build up your motivation.

revision for exams, completing dissertations, planning a big event, basically anything challenging requires time and commitment. nothing can be done simply through wishing. 

to grow

no amount of waiting will tell you what you really need to do

we read guidelines, we follow rules... and if something goes wrong, we tend to try to fix things, and move on. thats life for most people. where would we be if there was no order? things have to be in place to be peaceful. training your mind to empathise with others, telling yourself you can do so much more.. you all strive to be the best you could be - so why do you tend to try so hard to impress others but when it comes to yourself, you let yourself down? is that what you call empathy? how can you empathise with others if you cannot empathise with yourself first?

i found myself lost in an obstacle course.. trying to find out a hidden meaning to what i'm doing but in reality its plain simple. everyone has their role to play in life. how well you do your job depends entirely on your commitment and compassion. you're a professional body in an army of workforce and your purpose there is to do your job. there is no need for complements or the feel good drag - all thats there is you, doing your job correctly, and with dignity. everyone has a role to play in this world, and in this job, thank God for all the blessings and fortune that has been bestowed to you. in this work force you need to find yourself, and to do that you need to be the best you could be.

happiness comes from achievement, so achieve something great today, chin up and get on with it.

inconsistent yet provocative

stone sour

day 2 has been a complete inconsistent, some people think they can get away with things while others believe that they could be ever so responsible that allow me to do nothing. everything that happens would inevitably come down to the fact that i have not had my induction, or uniform, or training to allow me to carry out my role.
nevertheless things will fall into place eventually and i should really draw my concern away from work issues to more prevalent and important aspects of my life that would inevitably affect my future. i have to tread carefully and concentrate on whats really important, everything else will be ignored. inner peace really has its down falls, you have to pick your battles carefully, and kindness has to be out of everything you do, doesn't matter who you're dealing with, everyone is human and so deserves to be treated equally, no matter how much of a dumb ass you think they are. important thing is that you're there and you can make a difference in someone else's life, be it hell, or for the better.
speaking of concentrating on important bits - i need to get back to exercising regularly. for the sake of my sanity and others'! today i found myself bored to death with conversations about 'cute pets'. despicable time-wasting and empty conversations about nothing. whats worse, its between middle-aged women... common there has to be more interesting things to talk about. hey how about the NHS strike? will you be striking your foot in your boss's mouth and calling it a bank holiday? oh its on the 10th of May - have fun. please save me from this place and these people :/