avengers

a low point at work is never a good thing. i found myself getting the glooms over the incompetence of others and then i thought to myself... why are you so bothered?! listed all the good things i've done and accomplished... i never thought i'd get through it... my desperation for a job? for the experience? for the sanity of my mind? i did the things i needed to do, and i should feel whole, accomplished and self-valued. what people do cannot influence my mood, my stress, my motivation. i'm my own determination, and the people around me are mere distractions! who cares if someone decided to change plans, evade their expectations, frustrate over work... for all that i am, i need to learn and listen, not be the centre of the universe. my time will come, patience, perseverance and offering assistance as need be is what i can only do right now.

all i can say is:

alhamdu'allah al'atheem

the long road

its so easy to say i'm going to do something. when you look back at all the things you promised yourself to do.. you really do get disappointed! its not so easy to do everything just as easy as it is to say you would do it.
this is called making empty promises - and it really doesn't help you in the long run. many people find that the lack of ability to carry out their tasks exerts stress and pressure on their lives. it would feel as though the whole world is against you, but in reality, setting out higher expectations doesn't really come without its side effects: stress, anxiety, procrastination..
what actually needs to happen is setting out goals that you could actually achieve. its the only way you'd be able to be satisfied with your abilities.. though don't mistaken this for repetitive tasks. set out a schedule to complete tasks over a period of time and stick to your schedule. by doing this you could take off the unnerving stress and pressure associated with completing a task in short notice. plan out your time and recognise that you have to be flexible. its not always easy starting something so give yourself time to adapt and build up your motivation.

revision for exams, completing dissertations, planning a big event, basically anything challenging requires time and commitment. nothing can be done simply through wishing. 

to grow

no amount of waiting will tell you what you really need to do

we read guidelines, we follow rules... and if something goes wrong, we tend to try to fix things, and move on. thats life for most people. where would we be if there was no order? things have to be in place to be peaceful. training your mind to empathise with others, telling yourself you can do so much more.. you all strive to be the best you could be - so why do you tend to try so hard to impress others but when it comes to yourself, you let yourself down? is that what you call empathy? how can you empathise with others if you cannot empathise with yourself first?

i found myself lost in an obstacle course.. trying to find out a hidden meaning to what i'm doing but in reality its plain simple. everyone has their role to play in life. how well you do your job depends entirely on your commitment and compassion. you're a professional body in an army of workforce and your purpose there is to do your job. there is no need for complements or the feel good drag - all thats there is you, doing your job correctly, and with dignity. everyone has a role to play in this world, and in this job, thank God for all the blessings and fortune that has been bestowed to you. in this work force you need to find yourself, and to do that you need to be the best you could be.

happiness comes from achievement, so achieve something great today, chin up and get on with it.

K2 Celena 90 Speed fitness inline skate review

black rock shooter

I've been so excited to get these skates the colours and textures remind me of black rock shooter textures and colours merged all together! considering black rock shooter has just been released, i believe that these boots will gain more popularity among anime lovers!

K2 Celena 90 Speed custom model 

i did so much research to find the best pair of skates to get (at an affordable price).. and this is my result:

k2 celena speed skates: 90mm/83a wheels, ilq 9 bearings (classic), mid-cuff soft boot with quick lace system (speed lace)

the main intended use for these skates is for long distance skating & fitness skating. inline skating has been known to be far more effective at muscle tone and burning calories than running or cycling. I bought these skates because i've been nostalgic for skating & i needed something to give me that adrenaline boost from speed... yup!

one obvious difference between the celena speed and the normal celena model is the lacing. the speed model has a quick-lace built in which basically saves you tying a knot at the top of the boot - this feature is different from boa, but is still used, as seen in the recent 2012 celena model.

the other difference is that you get a riveted boot - which basically means you won't have to tighten screws below the boot (girl friendly!). you also get the 'speed' engraving on the boot next to celena logo.

one thing thats actually different between the pair i got and the ones displayed on the internet is that the speed model i purchased did not have those spungy white looking things holding the laces but instead you get a standard k2 soft boot styled lacing holes. this is actually much better in my opinion because the ones available on the internet don't really look very strong.

Speed lace on K2 Celena 90 Speed custom model

after testing these boots inside the house they were amazingly responsive to strides, even on carpet - they glide really well and quite fast. its almost like ice skating with these boots, so you do have to be very careful because these can go faster than the standard boots sold here in the uk.

outside the house, these babies are amazing. they are very stable once you get rolling and gaining speed is relatively simple and effortless. i did have trouble turning corners with these skates but perhaps its because i'm so used to basic 72mm beginner wheels.. i suppose i just need more practice. don't try to turn forcefully while stationary as these skates could sometimes be quite unstable thus leading to some falls. i suggest wearing 1 skate at a time on each leg before attempting to skate properly if you're a beginner because the speed they reach may need some getting used to.

check the road regulations if you plan to skate on busy streets - these skates are hard to emergency stop, especially if you're a beginner/intermediate user. i believe the ilq 9 bearings are to blame - they are both smooth and fast. one way to fix this is to buy a pack of 80mm wheels (not 84mm wheels! as those feel very similar but not as fast as 90mm wheels) with abec 7 bearings and once you're comfortable with those then switch to the 90mm wheels.

these boots are true to size but you have to be aware that anything below a UK size 6 (EU 39) is going to have the 84mm wheels. the colours are exactly as seen in this picture of the boot, it feels very light on the feet and has a snuggle fit for medium-narrow shaped feet.

be aware that lacing should be retightened after the first 15mins of use as the softboot does mould to your feet and may feel slightly wide with use. after this retightening there should be no problems skating for the remainder of the time.

i have found that the sports socks have given my feet a better fit in these boots.

so far, these skates have been very impressive and i am very pleased that i purchased the speed model instead of the normal celena model. the extra perk in lacing makes these boots look funky and easier to put on.

comfort: 8/10
design: 10/10
specification: 9/10

therefore overall rating: 9/10

speaking of black rock shooter - i made this fire-like eye a while back for my call of duty black ops player card logo, enjoy :)

truth from fibs - not an easy judgement call

yesterday has been eye opening in so many ways. i know i was supposed to be shadowing but honestly, i found it more useful choosing the people that had seemed competent at doing their role than to follow others i was assigned to. regardless of whom i was shadowing, i needed to learn. i took matters to my own hands, after all i need to get on with the job soon enough and the more perspective and opportunities i had the better. allow giving a resident a spa bath, i was really more interested in how to deal with difficult people, and i made that my own aim for the day.
i dodged a falcon punch and an elbow attempt from a lady with broken mood swings. multiple personality disorder might be at play but honestly, i was lucky.. i could have been beaten up! that lady knows how to punch O_O; all that just for assisted personal care. meh.. to be honest i would have done exactly the same thing if anyone violated my personal space. i feel somewhat offended because i completely valued her dignity and treated her in the most professional manner yet at the same time i know that i shouldn't judge, its her illness causing her to really act this way. aghh difficult much?
later on i spent 30 mins with a resident who really needed someone to talk to. i've been told i give great advice to others, this was my opportunity to use my skills to make someone feel better. even though i had never been in a similar situation to what the resident had described, i could somewhat picture exactly what my instincts would make me do, and i was able to reassure the resident and perhaps even mend a broken friendship which is always a good thing :) screw shadowing for the moment! i spoke to one of the nurses to see if they would check up on the resident and they simply said - she might have been dreaming! oh dear how do you tell the difference between truth and fibs? can the resident truly be telling the truth? she seemed upset enough, she needed someone to talk to, and i offered that listening ear... ehh i hope that whether it was true or not, she is feeling less lonely and indeed more at peace.
later in the evening i was faced with another resident who truly believed that all the 'caring' we're providing was just a game. he wanted to 'play' along, make scenarios and i have to say, the stuff coming out of his mouth were so baffling i couldn't stop laughing. i'm sure he's trying to humour the moment too, make his living more interesting so to speak. though unbuttoning the lower half of his shirt was nothing to be funny about, whether he was testing our witts or playing with our tolerance levels God knows, it was funny as hell though. it didn't help the fact that he was wearing a pad, LOLOLOLOL ok evilness aside, yesterday was one awesome day. i learned so much w00p w00p. oh and i passed manual handling on saturday! gratz pour moi :3

kill me now

why does everything have to be so complicated?

day 2 of training at this nursing home and all i keep thinking is, what the hell am i doing with these idiots? i keep telling myself shut up and get on with it. if i want the experience then i will have to endure the ridiculous-ness that i've got myself into. i have to learn, i have to be able to deal with a wide range of people. i've done it before and damn right i can do it again, and again if i really have to!

patience with the oldies and embrace the noob that you are in this... eh who am i kidding.

i spoke to this amazing manager in the dementia unit and she said i can do some shadowing there (eventually letting me work there too) and i thought O YEAH YOU GO DANIA MOAR IS GOOOD (i hope... at least that its good) ..uhh she was grinning at me, i hope thats in a good way... why do i feel like i'm in too deep?

the walk to this place is dreadful - i have to cross motorways, dual carriage ways, risk my life next to super fast traffic for 40 mins, while on the other side its completely deserted, no houses... just open fields, battling body-numbing freezing weather and the urge to just turn back. i can't flippin turn back its just day 2! agh! i wish i had a car! at least i wouldn't have to walk this long. i hate the pitty other employees have given me knowing that i have to walk. why on earth did they accept me? why in the devil did i accept them?!

my advice to self: shut up and get on with it. better now than never.

one door closes and two open

freedom of choice always has a compromise

I couldn't be more right! i was unsuccessful today at getting the job at london.. but the physio guy got back to me today just as i was leaving work experience and the dude had good news for me! i have been offered a job! YES YES YES! thats 2 jobs now.. a full time and a part time weighing on my shoulders and i have to choose one of them :(
both are essentially good, fruitful and have some really nice people there. the care home is like a female infested ground and the physio is just... i dunno.. it seems a little too admin-related. i need the experiences and they both seem good... agh i hate choosing! the care home ladies were amazingly flexible with me about the hours, and i could actually see myself doing the role but at the same time the physio is just one of those rare jobs.. you get to see so much.. ahh i think i should choose physio. logically i would benefit more from this.. but i really don't know any of the specifics for this job role. maybe its what i need to really start a career.. it seems so different to what i intended to do, or was hoping to do - still i've yet to experience the wrath of hospitals.. i hate choosing.. why cant i have both? :( actually maybe thats a poor decision.. maybe.. i don't know.. i need more information.

i can't decide whether i should be happy or sad about these news.. still 2 job offers are better than none and i honestly am finally glad that employers are finally taking me seriously. though, i don't want to choose between them! can't i have both? big decisions to be made and not enough time to do them. regardless i want to continue my volunteer work though i got a feeling theres nothing more that b can teach me. i've pretty much done so much background reading that when i asked b for advice she gave nothing more than what i already know. perhaps because a volunteer is not expected to act on life-threatening scenarios? most likely but still, its worth having an ally in the field, at least shes been there and has done this before.

the undervalued significance of finding yourself

one of the things i have been working on is securing an interview - and one thing i've done is attend a workshop. at university you would have thought that by attending lectures, taking part in societies and events you would be getting the best exposure to how to tackle life outside studying... well.. not really. employers don't just look at your university life, they want to know what you've learned and how you developed as a person. the main objective of applying to anywhere is to tell the employer yes i know what the job is about, and i really want to work for you. basically you want to kiss ass, but make sure that your lips are going to stain, or... in other words, you should be aiming to leave a lasting impression in both the application/cv and the interview. think of your role model and how they inspired you, and try to portray that in the way you put yourself across.

in preparation or in times of self doubt, i find that meditation usually helps. concentrate on the qualities you have, and how you want people to see you. this way it flows naturally, even if its in the back of your mind, you will find that by looking deep into yourself, you can actually find the person you really want to be.

one time i was really really stressed out during revision time, and instead of rage quitting, i took a deep breath and decided to meditate. 15 mins is really all you need, just clear your mind, find that inner peace, no distractions, no muscles tensed, no bright lights (and don't fall asleep!) just concentrate on whats troubling you. in my case, i honestly didn't know what the stuff i was reading would get me. in a series of why? what? and how? questions i managed to find out what i really wanted to do. once you reach a spot where you can't question yourself any longer, thats when you know.

so theres 2 parts to this job advice, but it all really depends on you. where do you want to be in life? are you happy where you are? how can you change? boundaries are there to be broken, so don't let yourself be locked away in a cage. make the effort to be who you really want to be, and never get discouraged from others. in the end, its your life, and all your actions will consequently shape how you live it. stop wasting time, and start thinking about your future.