one door closes and two open

freedom of choice always has a compromise

I couldn't be more right! i was unsuccessful today at getting the job at london.. but the physio guy got back to me today just as i was leaving work experience and the dude had good news for me! i have been offered a job! YES YES YES! thats 2 jobs now.. a full time and a part time weighing on my shoulders and i have to choose one of them :(
both are essentially good, fruitful and have some really nice people there. the care home is like a female infested ground and the physio is just... i dunno.. it seems a little too admin-related. i need the experiences and they both seem good... agh i hate choosing! the care home ladies were amazingly flexible with me about the hours, and i could actually see myself doing the role but at the same time the physio is just one of those rare jobs.. you get to see so much.. ahh i think i should choose physio. logically i would benefit more from this.. but i really don't know any of the specifics for this job role. maybe its what i need to really start a career.. it seems so different to what i intended to do, or was hoping to do - still i've yet to experience the wrath of hospitals.. i hate choosing.. why cant i have both? :( actually maybe thats a poor decision.. maybe.. i don't know.. i need more information.

i can't decide whether i should be happy or sad about these news.. still 2 job offers are better than none and i honestly am finally glad that employers are finally taking me seriously. though, i don't want to choose between them! can't i have both? big decisions to be made and not enough time to do them. regardless i want to continue my volunteer work though i got a feeling theres nothing more that b can teach me. i've pretty much done so much background reading that when i asked b for advice she gave nothing more than what i already know. perhaps because a volunteer is not expected to act on life-threatening scenarios? most likely but still, its worth having an ally in the field, at least shes been there and has done this before.

conflicting points of interest & results

thats what i did today, totally productive

so far everything has been running smoothly, everything in my puzzle of organisation has fitted perfectly on the board, till i got an interview yesterday... which would conflict with a training date i have with a care home. dammit why?! i really really don't want to cancel it but it seems like that is the best option considering the distance i would have to travel and the extra costs that would go towards this place if i get accepted. my adviser is not going to be happy but i think that despite this set back, alhamdu'allah for all the positive news i have received.

simply working hard is never enough *takes whip out* HARDER, BETTER, STRONGER, FASTER!

my 8-paged application definitely caused an impression on one of my interviewers - though not in a good way they wanted less text and more to the point - which honestly, could not be done if i intend to address every point in the person specification! all this interview experience would come in useful, and i really really liked the london placement it was amazing! i met so many friendly and lovable characters who i would have really wanted to know more about, keep in touch with and so on... problem is, i might not get offered this placement as everyone i spoke to were incredibly dedicated and committed to the jobs. with my mere 2 month experience i am unmatchable in so many ways unfortunately.

nevertheless i also had a pleasant yet long interview within the physio placement. i felt like i could really do this job, and relate to all the things being done in the placement but at the same time the area looked slightly isolated which is not my preference, i would rather converse with a wider community and diverse body... but meh.. at least i think i did good, i'll just have to wait and see. i came out smiling from that interview - they liked my (very relevant)  anime doodles in the scenario questionnaire hehe

i got offered a place with those weird interview people which is awesome! i'm feelin the love, FINALLY! i have been looking for over 3 months! yay me :D

keep going forward - because theres no point going back when the world keeps spinning on and on

b was all weird today at volunteering - i hope she doesn't have a grudge against me.. i am slightly older than the people there and thats an advantage i suppose as i can handle more things... or maybe its my professional manner? its not the first time i had intimidated someone with my awesomeness HAH! lulz.... oh dear!

Lightning - Final Fantasy XIII-2

this is the first time that i didn't take notice of the new release of final fantasy game... which feels weird i had missed playing 11, 12, 13, 14 and i would also get to miss playing final fantasy 13-2 so yeah.. feels weird not keeping up with square enix. i'm not regretting it, as i found myself get attached to new things that are more beneficial for both myself and others. i like this new me, i can be more proud of this one :3

Care giving lulz

sounds like me talking at interviews LMAOOOO. ah i wish i could just go in one day to an interview and just base all my 'experiences' on my prestige and ranking on call of duty LOL someday.. someday i will. 

motivational yet lacking

expecting the unexpected - always.

its terrible how our society operates, always expecting so much of us & always waiting for us to take that step to failure then sit back and laugh their asses off at the struggles and false expectations. when confronted, society just takes the form of disappointment and sympathy but in reality they're just waiting for you to give up.

One less person to worry about.

what drives people to such extremes? are we not all equal? wheres the support and kindness to each other? friends are not truly friends. they all have clear motives to take you down when you least expect it. its really a vicious cycle of friends betraying other friends thus imprinting this horrible trait in humanity. who am i to be different? i have to try to be different if i want to find my peace. genuinely, if you call yourself a true friend i'd like to challenge your thought to prove that theory. theres a fine line between the true definition of friendship and it does not come from a simple attraction, common interests and merely hanging out on regular basis. society is failing because people are constantly being led into false pretences. quit the lies and deception you foolish and selfish pretenders & get on with your life!

mad world

enlarge your world, mad world

last week has been crazy. if i wasn't at work experience, it was at some interview. problem now is, i have been offered a part time job but that compromises my work experience. i really want to continue this work experience as it does not interfere with my new part time contract, but it might be a death sentence for both. i really really want to continue this work experience and not hinder my chances of getting a job :(
whats the point of the whole experience if it could end just like that?! i want to finish what i started, i want to ensure that i am doing the right thing by taking this route and i really hope that the people in charge could really see my determination :(

what happens if i fail?

i went to an open day yesterday. i have to say, there are so many people wanting this so hard i have to step back and think of whether this is really worth it. i have to revise like crazy and on top of it all, i have to ensure that i get a job asap. last week has really made me a road kill. theres so much to do that when i get home all i want is to sleep. its physically challenging for me, and i could only hope that it gets better from here. i am really skeptical of my chances as i met so many amazing role models, i almost cried yesterday on the train. what are my chances really of getting in? i have to drive myself harder, and i have to let go of my previous experiences as they are worth nothing now. nothing i did previously is sufficient, chances of me getting into this is so slim i can't bear to think of what happens if i step off the platform. its completely unpredictable and i hate that. i don't like being out of control. i have to know that i can do this. i hate myself, i have to improve & endure.