moar will powr and hard at work

walking in the cold, alone next to a motorway :( the only bad bit to a wonderful week

the past week has been incredibly intensive - not only was i subjected to a completely new environment, but i've also had to endure... so... much! despite feeling overwhelmed, i honestly can't stop smiling. all those things that i thought i'd never get to learn, well... i'm learning them. life skills essential both to myself and others. i feel like i belong, i have a purpose and far more whole than ever before. i don't care what others think of me or what the hell is dania doing its so completely unlike her... or is it? eh wheres my dania and what demon have you unleashed on this world?

all thats important is that i can reflect on what i learned and smile. 

i have a long road ahead, but for the first time in months... i feel like i'm one step closer. i can look back and say to myself, yes, you've done good. this feeling not only ignites motivation, but invites new knowledge and life experiences. i have no idea whats around the corner and i'm constantly looking to find out.

alhamdu'allah wa alif shukur jazeelan! alhamdu'allah :)

Talk more..

despite the wonderful week i've had, theres really quite a lot of things to do - i received a reply for the J volunteering and i need to attend their interview.. i really want to start training with these people because it will radically jump-start my experiences and without them i don't think i have a slight chance of improving my cv - so they are crucial in my to-do list. i have to impress no matter how difficult it might be. problem is they are super picky about people.. i have to be so damn good, irresistible entirely!
i have an extra session at this nursing home that i also need to complete.. paperwork really drags :/
my adviser needs to be informed of recent successes and changes in life.. theres so much happening that i can barely keep myself bored LOL
revision also needs to get serious.. i keep lecturing my sister about how its important to start revising early and theres me... not listening to my own advice - why dendoona why? =_=
mum suggested that i should get a car - i don't see that happening any time soon. theres no space in the driveway and i certainly don't want to start paying all those expenses that come with having a car. i can endure the weather, i can organise my time and i can definitely survive life's challenges. i have to do it for the sake of whats yet to come. everything i do, i have to do with purpose and good reason.

one door closes and two open

freedom of choice always has a compromise

I couldn't be more right! i was unsuccessful today at getting the job at london.. but the physio guy got back to me today just as i was leaving work experience and the dude had good news for me! i have been offered a job! YES YES YES! thats 2 jobs now.. a full time and a part time weighing on my shoulders and i have to choose one of them :(
both are essentially good, fruitful and have some really nice people there. the care home is like a female infested ground and the physio is just... i dunno.. it seems a little too admin-related. i need the experiences and they both seem good... agh i hate choosing! the care home ladies were amazingly flexible with me about the hours, and i could actually see myself doing the role but at the same time the physio is just one of those rare jobs.. you get to see so much.. ahh i think i should choose physio. logically i would benefit more from this.. but i really don't know any of the specifics for this job role. maybe its what i need to really start a career.. it seems so different to what i intended to do, or was hoping to do - still i've yet to experience the wrath of hospitals.. i hate choosing.. why cant i have both? :( actually maybe thats a poor decision.. maybe.. i don't know.. i need more information.

i can't decide whether i should be happy or sad about these news.. still 2 job offers are better than none and i honestly am finally glad that employers are finally taking me seriously. though, i don't want to choose between them! can't i have both? big decisions to be made and not enough time to do them. regardless i want to continue my volunteer work though i got a feeling theres nothing more that b can teach me. i've pretty much done so much background reading that when i asked b for advice she gave nothing more than what i already know. perhaps because a volunteer is not expected to act on life-threatening scenarios? most likely but still, its worth having an ally in the field, at least shes been there and has done this before.

/facedesk patience

when the wheel reverses & time stands still

today i took the time to read what others in my position have done, what they did to fuel the activation energy to find their new stable force.. or work (kinetics reference). i've got such a long way to go :(
these people, they're like saints or something how on earth could anyone reach that level of awesomeness? it just makes me want to work harder just so i could fit in. its so weird, i don't know where i got this idea from, but honestly i've never felt so strongly about anything before. this is definitely what i want to do but it comes at such a harsh price, i have to find my way soon, real soon...
disclaimer: no i'm not talking about zombie slaying, anything related to terrorism or on tv! jeez louise!

i fixed my computer a while back and i never even bothered to upload this agh! here it is then:

so tired - must sleep - nites.

pretend clothes shopping & back pain

road rage victim LOL

my back... is killing me. the pain is just sufficiently there, not too painful that i can't move, and not painless so i can move. its basically there to remind me:

ohai yes i'm still here to annoy you. aww you can't walk straight? well fuck you suffer for your sins demon!

anyways i haven't been shopping for clothes in... 3 months. yeah ever since i got back from romania, i've been punishing myself. no job = no clothes. problem is, with work experience coming up, i am forced to go to shops and browse for clothes. the fact that i have to get something, and.. i have a limited budget just makes shopping no fun at all. with my back pain reaching to my shoulders today i felt so weak. having to do this shopping in a forced manner made me very uneasy to be around. this kind of stuff should be a solo mission. to add to the frustration, i want to lose the weight i put on after coming back from romania. i guess the bad news affected me in so many ways i haven't really looked at myself to examine the damage till now. better now than later right?
wrong, i have interviews and work experience coming up so now, really does need to be NOW and not tomorrow.

just looking at my planner puts me in panic theres so many things happening i have to get my stamina back and be prepared. didn't i say the worst is yet to come? well it feels like its already begun. what? 2 days later and i'm overflowing with things to do. heres just some of the things i need to sort out:
CRB forms, photocopy id stuff, order moar print cartridges, phone up FJ and tell her about my upcoming interviews, get my teeth checked out, shop for smart clothes, meet up with adviser, REVISE ffs revise :( , print out travel tickets, manually retrieve travel tickets, application forms, prepare for interviews, practice answers, background check those bastard rents, phone up that volunteer supervisor and ask about my morning work, bodyrawk, declutter work space, go to the meeting in that church o_O meh. the list is endless, as for self-development heres something close to what i have:

oh and today i got another interview <3 HA HA HA how about that? another thing to add to my list of to-do. i remain skeptical to the frequency of such things on such short notice and the likeliness of success in any of these. theres so many people out there better than me, more desperate than me, more deserving than me. alhamdu-allah for the wonderful blessings i just wish i could be more happy of all this... insha'allah.