one fugly week

only one thing i could say to really describe my week: shit. majority of the time i was shadowing i was thinking what the fuck?! i was lost and my incompetence really frikin showed. i hate being new, i like adapting quickly, i listen attentively to make sure i learn but when the teaching is rushed or lacking its not my fault. i tried i really really tried! i was so pissed off on sunday, i couldn't even look at the girl i was shadowing. now for the rest of the week i don't have to think about it. agh its frustrating being new. i don't like being bossed around, i don't like it when things are not explained, and i really don't like it when i get ill-treated. the blasted woman didn't even want me in the room as she wrote the daily notes, sending me to photocopy crap aghh!!! that really pissed me off, i was there to learn how to do my job not be pestered out of the room while she gabs on behind my back about how terrible i am aghh die die die!
sucks being me right now, not only did i have a crap weekend, but also my schedule for study has been completely thrown off-course. every time i try to organise my time something crops up, something always crops up. like today i left work exp. early so i can catch my adviser before the centre closes, and i miss the damn train. whats the point of trying? i ended up so damn late that the centre had closed for the day completely. damn public transport!!! tomorrow it would be too late, fuck this shit.
i don't know how the hell am i supposed to get to the hospital and back now, if i do go, where the hell am i going to be? how the hell am i supposed to get there?! i'm setting up myself for disappointment, i just know it :( aghhhh!!

/facedesk patience

when the wheel reverses & time stands still

today i took the time to read what others in my position have done, what they did to fuel the activation energy to find their new stable force.. or work (kinetics reference). i've got such a long way to go :(
these people, they're like saints or something how on earth could anyone reach that level of awesomeness? it just makes me want to work harder just so i could fit in. its so weird, i don't know where i got this idea from, but honestly i've never felt so strongly about anything before. this is definitely what i want to do but it comes at such a harsh price, i have to find my way soon, real soon...
disclaimer: no i'm not talking about zombie slaying, anything related to terrorism or on tv! jeez louise!

i fixed my computer a while back and i never even bothered to upload this agh! here it is then:

so tired - must sleep - nites.

pretend clothes shopping & back pain

road rage victim LOL

my back... is killing me. the pain is just sufficiently there, not too painful that i can't move, and not painless so i can move. its basically there to remind me:

ohai yes i'm still here to annoy you. aww you can't walk straight? well fuck you suffer for your sins demon!

anyways i haven't been shopping for clothes in... 3 months. yeah ever since i got back from romania, i've been punishing myself. no job = no clothes. problem is, with work experience coming up, i am forced to go to shops and browse for clothes. the fact that i have to get something, and.. i have a limited budget just makes shopping no fun at all. with my back pain reaching to my shoulders today i felt so weak. having to do this shopping in a forced manner made me very uneasy to be around. this kind of stuff should be a solo mission. to add to the frustration, i want to lose the weight i put on after coming back from romania. i guess the bad news affected me in so many ways i haven't really looked at myself to examine the damage till now. better now than later right?
wrong, i have interviews and work experience coming up so now, really does need to be NOW and not tomorrow.

just looking at my planner puts me in panic theres so many things happening i have to get my stamina back and be prepared. didn't i say the worst is yet to come? well it feels like its already begun. what? 2 days later and i'm overflowing with things to do. heres just some of the things i need to sort out:
CRB forms, photocopy id stuff, order moar print cartridges, phone up FJ and tell her about my upcoming interviews, get my teeth checked out, shop for smart clothes, meet up with adviser, REVISE ffs revise :( , print out travel tickets, manually retrieve travel tickets, application forms, prepare for interviews, practice answers, background check those bastard rents, phone up that volunteer supervisor and ask about my morning work, bodyrawk, declutter work space, go to the meeting in that church o_O meh. the list is endless, as for self-development heres something close to what i have:

oh and today i got another interview <3 HA HA HA how about that? another thing to add to my list of to-do. i remain skeptical to the frequency of such things on such short notice and the likeliness of success in any of these. theres so many people out there better than me, more desperate than me, more deserving than me. alhamdu-allah for the wonderful blessings i just wish i could be more happy of all this... insha'allah.

Montemartre, Paris

Feeding pigeons at Montemartre, Paris

this was most likely one of the highlights of the trip - so as i whipped out my crêpes au sucre and fed a little to the pigeon, soon there was an invasion of pigeons swarming across the floor, following me and yasmin as we donated our food to them lol it was fun - heres a clip of it when my lil sis started feeding the pigeons, enjoy :3

paris trip

last week i was away and isolated from internets, i was in paris. it was a bit of an unexpected trip, but somehow on short notice everything came together, and organised (to a certain extent! the majorly of the trip was improvised very well). the only disappointing part was that mum decided against coming along. other than that, it was most definitely an amazing trip. for 3 days, me, dad and yummie went exploring, plenty of walking, and driving. i took so many pictures and never once did my camera fail me in both battery life, quality of pictures and capacity to hold all the movies and pictures i took on the trip. i really really really love my camera, its like the best ever purchase i ever did. i love it!
the places i visited included Eiffel tower, Louvre museum, Champs-Elysee, Place de la Concorde, Jardin des Tuileries, Montemartre, Notre Dame, latin quarter. considering that we only spent 2 nights there i think this trip was very productive and we got to see so many amazing attractions and sample the culture and cuisines of paris. i really loved the people - they were all so polite and friendly despite the fact that we were tourists, it really made the trip so much less stressful and distressing when exploring the city.