truth from fibs - not an easy judgement call

yesterday has been eye opening in so many ways. i know i was supposed to be shadowing but honestly, i found it more useful choosing the people that had seemed competent at doing their role than to follow others i was assigned to. regardless of whom i was shadowing, i needed to learn. i took matters to my own hands, after all i need to get on with the job soon enough and the more perspective and opportunities i had the better. allow giving a resident a spa bath, i was really more interested in how to deal with difficult people, and i made that my own aim for the day.
i dodged a falcon punch and an elbow attempt from a lady with broken mood swings. multiple personality disorder might be at play but honestly, i was lucky.. i could have been beaten up! that lady knows how to punch O_O; all that just for assisted personal care. meh.. to be honest i would have done exactly the same thing if anyone violated my personal space. i feel somewhat offended because i completely valued her dignity and treated her in the most professional manner yet at the same time i know that i shouldn't judge, its her illness causing her to really act this way. aghh difficult much?
later on i spent 30 mins with a resident who really needed someone to talk to. i've been told i give great advice to others, this was my opportunity to use my skills to make someone feel better. even though i had never been in a similar situation to what the resident had described, i could somewhat picture exactly what my instincts would make me do, and i was able to reassure the resident and perhaps even mend a broken friendship which is always a good thing :) screw shadowing for the moment! i spoke to one of the nurses to see if they would check up on the resident and they simply said - she might have been dreaming! oh dear how do you tell the difference between truth and fibs? can the resident truly be telling the truth? she seemed upset enough, she needed someone to talk to, and i offered that listening ear... ehh i hope that whether it was true or not, she is feeling less lonely and indeed more at peace.
later in the evening i was faced with another resident who truly believed that all the 'caring' we're providing was just a game. he wanted to 'play' along, make scenarios and i have to say, the stuff coming out of his mouth were so baffling i couldn't stop laughing. i'm sure he's trying to humour the moment too, make his living more interesting so to speak. though unbuttoning the lower half of his shirt was nothing to be funny about, whether he was testing our witts or playing with our tolerance levels God knows, it was funny as hell though. it didn't help the fact that he was wearing a pad, LOLOLOLOL ok evilness aside, yesterday was one awesome day. i learned so much w00p w00p. oh and i passed manual handling on saturday! gratz pour moi :3

who's going to save the world tonight?

today has been like living in someone else's life.. i woke up from a dream of watching myself skydive... without a parachute, diving through the air saving someone while grabbing something that i had lost before my jump (off the plane).. ehh i wasn't scared, i wasn't in pain, i wanted to grab this one thing, which i did and resumed to diving towards that person... i can't tell if that was a boy/girl but meh.. i guess that didn't really matter at the time.
went to work experience, helped out where i can, made a few phone calls, ate lunch, helped out a lil more on computers and called it a day. on my way back i went to a bookshop called 'the works' they had many items on sale, and bought myself a lovely 3-in-1 book about life, i dunno i guess i need a new perspective. i need advice on how to cope with people in a difficult position, and really i just wanted something that i could learn from on the train to and from work. i got myself another edition of the theories book - i really liked the science version so i decided to take the theories explained version too. its an awesome book that introduces you to complex science concepts.. awesome awesome stuffies :D
is it weird that i am seeking advice from books? i hope not..
i was speaking to this lady who does agency work, shes got 19 years of experience and was telling me about her likes and dislikes about care. i found the conversation highly insightful and very reassuring. at least i know i'm on the right tracks :3 just that little boost of confidence from someone with experience helps so much, and kinda motivated more to carry on with what i'm doing. lovely day - unlike tomorrow which i fear is going to be so demanding on me both mentally and physically. i started making record of my steps on my ipod today. i did a total of 6000 steps today (excluding the walking around done at work) my day target is 10000 steps woo xD
hopefully tomorrow's steps would be slightly more considering i'll be going all over the place insha'allah... so to speak.

alhamdu'allah

crazy crazy insane and overwhelming >.< i passed assessment today for hca and spoke to a manager about my double ended offer deal at the hospital and they've said that if i don't accept one then i am ok to go through with the interview. a relief yet more panic on my plate to be honest.. i came home and slept like a sleep deprived grizzly to only wake up to the sound of my phone ringing. so the nursing home decided to make me a full time offer where i get to work both in assisted living and the dementia unit. crazy that the manager actually remembered our conversation when i first started, and even more crazy now i have to choose!!! dammit dania ok i'm feelin the love but what the hell?! i feel like a job offer slut somehow with me hogging offers on every end xD but in all seriousness i can't be the only person going through this kind of situation, surely this happens in all business sectors, it just takes time to develop the necessary skills and experience.
looking back in november i was desperate to hear something, anything from all the places i had been applying to and now.. ehh its a struggle of deciding what is the best option to go for.

i can't say this enough:

alhamdu'allah alrahman al'atheem!!!

 all this work is making me question myself even more, how does this make me a competent individual? how does all this work contribute to my drive and motivation? how do i know its the right path for me? with so many choices i feel privileged but at the same time, trapped in indecision and doubt. i need to speak up about all this but patience in people is wearing thin, and i can completely understand this. its tough and really, its my life at the end of the day. no one can tell me how i live it.. i have to learn to cope, i have to understand myself better and i have to know whats best for me to enable me to be better at helping others... ehh if that makes sense.

sleep tym :/ 3am woo~ ... =_=

7 days of intensive work: another side another story

reflecting on life, work and studies

my planner is alarmingly filling up. i no longer have weekends to look forward to. if i'm not at volunteer work then i'd be at a nursing home, and if i'm not there i'd be doing work experience. on top of that, i have that lovely physio thing to sort out, which is a full time role, and J training to attend, and somehow salvage whatever is left of my time and devote it to my studies and paperwork T_T
a month a go i had nothing, alhamdu'allah for this month has been a blessing. i do however need to get past the little ticks i get from people such as with the nursing home, i need to concentrate on my life, learn and get better. no point getting pissed off from other people. i know my manager was actually trying to help me now.. i know that i have to prove myself, and i know that i need to kick myself into gear. welcome to the working life, i keep telling myself. its making me doubt whether i can manage keeping up with studies.. but at the same time i can kinda understand why people in my position gained that extra determination from this, i can now understand their frustrations and most definitely envy their perseverance. one day i hope to do the same, one day i hope to give others the inspiration to follow their dreams. insha'allah.

one fugly week

only one thing i could say to really describe my week: shit. majority of the time i was shadowing i was thinking what the fuck?! i was lost and my incompetence really frikin showed. i hate being new, i like adapting quickly, i listen attentively to make sure i learn but when the teaching is rushed or lacking its not my fault. i tried i really really tried! i was so pissed off on sunday, i couldn't even look at the girl i was shadowing. now for the rest of the week i don't have to think about it. agh its frustrating being new. i don't like being bossed around, i don't like it when things are not explained, and i really don't like it when i get ill-treated. the blasted woman didn't even want me in the room as she wrote the daily notes, sending me to photocopy crap aghh!!! that really pissed me off, i was there to learn how to do my job not be pestered out of the room while she gabs on behind my back about how terrible i am aghh die die die!
sucks being me right now, not only did i have a crap weekend, but also my schedule for study has been completely thrown off-course. every time i try to organise my time something crops up, something always crops up. like today i left work exp. early so i can catch my adviser before the centre closes, and i miss the damn train. whats the point of trying? i ended up so damn late that the centre had closed for the day completely. damn public transport!!! tomorrow it would be too late, fuck this shit.
i don't know how the hell am i supposed to get to the hospital and back now, if i do go, where the hell am i going to be? how the hell am i supposed to get there?! i'm setting up myself for disappointment, i just know it :( aghhhh!!